My Mind Is Dangerous...

Rust In Pieces

2009-06-04T12:29:00.003-06:00

Soundtrack: "Pony" by Far

First of all, I would like to send my condolences to David Carradine's friends and family. His death has been a great loss for the acting community and he will be missed.

And, my condolences to the families who have been affected by General Motor's demise. Many people seem surprised about everything that has been happening. Layoffs, dealerships being cut, and now the bankruptcy. But I think a majority of people realize that this has been a long time coming. It all started with invention of "planned obsolescence".

What is planned obsolescence? It is the process of a product becoming obsolete or non-functional after a certain amount of time as designed by the manufactured. In essence, it is designing something to break.

On paper it might look good for some companies. Design a car, build it to last five years, then every year introduce a better, more expensive upgrade. After 5 years those upgrades add up to profit because people have no choice but to buy the newer, shinier model. GM has been doing it for years, Apple is doing it, video game console designers have done it. And it works... until people get tired of it.

Here's the deal: companies like Apple are going to end up like GM if they don't take a lesson from this. Instead of building stuff to break, build stuff that can be upgraded. Look at the Japanese; they mastered the art of upgrades through the import tuning market. They figured out they could sell a well-built, inexpensive car that people could sink money into by adding options and after-market parts. And if a third-party company wanted to get in on the profits they had to pay royalties in order to be a "certified" company. It's an idea that has taken off, everyone is doing it, even companies like GM and Apple. But if the companies who use planned obsolescence want to continue to function, they will stop jerking around these third party companies as well as consumers and start making things to last.

People have jumped on the "progressive" idea bandwagon and they are embracing ideas like sustainability and corporate accountability full-force. I don't see a future where people throw their money and resources away on buying the latest shiny thing every five years. That kind of thinking is dead. If you don't agree with that, if you do not think GM is dead, you are fooling yourself. They may continue with the same name, they may continue to make cars, but they are not going to be the same company. It's a new world for them, but their future is about as dark and apocalyptic as it can get.

Rust in pieces, indeed.

The United States of Identity Crisis

2009-05-24T08:02:00.004-06:00

Soundtrack: "Superunknown" by Soundgarden

I typically stay away from politics on this blog. But the current state of our nation's political climate has me all riled up and I feel like it's time to say something about that. So pull up a chair, it's story time with Uncle Toph.

Once upon a time a nation, recognized as being the strongest nation of all of the nations at that time, elected a new leader. This president was elected under the pretense of hope and change, the change being from the past administration's power-hungry ways. This nation had been founded on certain principles and ideals, outlined in two documents known as the Constitution and Bill of Rights. These documents provided a solid foundation and framework for how the nation was to operate. But for many years the leaders and lawmakers of this nation had been abusing and even ignoring these guidelines. The new president made a lot of promises to the people, and although none of them were related to these sacred documents, nobody cared. He was someone new.

Things have changed, but not necessarily for the better. The president is of course Barack Obama, and the change he has brought has not been the kind of change this nation needs.

I present to you the seventh and eight articles of the Bill of Rights, also known as Amendment V and VI respectively:

Article the seventh [Amendment V]

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Article the eighth [Amendment VI]

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation;to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Now let's talk about why I have the Fifth and Sixth amendments posted up on this here blog. Amendment V declares the right to due process in a trial. Amendment VI declares the right to a speedy public trial. Both of these amendments relate to the proposed introduction of indefinite detention without trial.

What is indefinite detention? It would establish a legal basis for the United States to incarcerate terrorism suspects who are deemed a threat to national security but cannot be tried. It an attempt to keep the terrorists off the street, so to speak. It's being hailed as a matter of national security, but it brings up an interesting conundrum. These people are assumed terrorists and the evidence against them is completely circumstantial, yet grave enough that the authorities feel that they are a threat to the American people. But does that supercede the principles upon which our nation was founded? If we are to say that we are indeed the greatest nation, a nation built on our constitution, then we owe it to ourselves and the world around us to adhere to the framework that has been put in place. And that means that the people who are unable to be tried fairly have to be released.

I don't like that personally. I'd like to see the terrorists go away, but we are talking about the law. This proposed indefinite detention is another step towards creating a precedence of acceptance of violations of the Constitution. I would argue that the acceptance of the Constitutions "obsolescence" has been happening gradually for many years. We as a nation keep electing leaders who abuse the law, ignore the law, even change the law for their own purposes. When are we as a nation going to grow a pair, step up, and stand up for the rights given to us under the Constitution? It starts with the terrorists, and we're OK with that. Then indefinite detention will be proposed for extreme capital cases, and then less extreme cases, until all of a sudden whoops, no more Amendment V and VI. Is that acceptable to you? It isn't to me. I don't want to hear arguments about "greater good" or "sacrificing things for justice", such arguments are sad cop-outs.

Stand up, America. Grow a fucking pair of testicles and fight for what is right.

The Man Everybody Loves To Hate

2009-05-10T09:54:00.004-06:00

Soundtrack: "Disarm" by The Smashing Pumpkins

People in the graphic design world love to hate David Carson. Especially this guy. Actually, as an aside, I have not even heard the name Joe Clark before. And in his postscript he comes off even more self-righteous and egotistical than Carson. Way to be a dick, guy.

Anyway, David Carson is someone who is reviled because he breaks rules. When he was art director for Ray Gun magazine he would do kooky things like set articles in dingbats (his reasoning was that the article was very poorly written), run lines of type together and layer them so they became strange messes and nests of typographic oddness, and utilize abstract and experimental photography and illustration. It was a thankless job. The readers appreciated it, I know I did when I was just a teenager, but the graphic design community did not take kindly to his brand of design. It was artistic, free-spirited, dynamic... God forbid!

As the world has moved towards homogenization, individuality is being replaced by standardization. Designers are taught that we should use a grid, that we should make our design projects adhere to certain standards, and that our material is required to have accessibility in mind. They are good rules to learn, but after designers leave school they are so indoctrinated that many of them cannot think outside the box. Instead of serving design, they serve the process.

Carson does not have a background in graphic design. His background is surfing and sociology. Before he was hired as the art director for Transworld Skateboarding and later Beach Culture, he was a high school teacher in San Diego. He came to graphic design through the bohemian beach culture of Southern California, his background is people. So who better as an art director and visual communicator than David Carson?

The work he did in the 90's is not as relevant today as it once was, but culture is cyclical. I'm already starting to see a revival of Paula Scher's bold typographical style, and grunge typography is starting to resurface. I have a feeling that very soon the can of worms Carson opened will once again be opened. I can't wait.

The Most Important Movie of the 21st Century

2009-04-29T13:39:00.004-06:00

Soundtrack: Feed the Animals by Girl Talk

This afternoon, as I do every now and then, I was browsing through the film trailers on Apple's web site. I ran across a trailer for a documentary about the American food industry. It is called Food, Inc and it is probably going to be the most important film you will ever see in your life.

How and why do I feel qualified to make that assertion, you ask? Because it is about something so simple that almost everyone has taken granted, yet it is one of the most basic of human necessities.

For as long as I've lived, just a tad over 28 years, my mom and dad strove to provide our fairly average family with nutritious food. Even now that I've been out of the house for years she still goes out of her way to make sure my brother and I eat well. It's one of the things that I have taken to heart, and I consider myself lucky because of it. My eating habits could be healthier, but for the most part I avoid the things that I know are not good for me. Saturated fats, high fructose corn syrup, chemical preservatives, etc. And many of the people I know do the same thing.

But after seeing this trailer I have a feeling when I go to see this film it will completely floor me, and anyone else who watches it. So please, do yourself a favor and go see it. I have a feeling it will change your life.

You can see the trailer for the documentary here.

Rollin' A D40 For My Dead Homie

2009-04-10T07:33:00.002-06:00

Soundtrack: "D'yer Mak'er" by Led Zeppelin

Last year I blogged about the death of Gary Gygax, one of the creators of the pen-and-paper role playing game Dungeons and Dragons. A few days ago Dave Arneson, the other co-creator of the game, joined his buddy in the big dragon lair in the sky. They leave a long legacy of gaming excellence. In fact, after Gary's death last year Blizzard dedicated one of their World of Warcraft content patches to him. I'd be surprised if they didn't do the same for Dave (conveniently, they have a big content patch shipping later this month).

Rest in piece, Dave. And say hi to Gary for me!

In Memoriam

2009-04-05T17:46:00.005-06:00

Soundtrack: "Black" by Pearl Jam

15 years ago today Kurt Cobain died. Nobody is really sure exactly when Layne Staley died 7 years ago but it was probably this day as well. Both of these men were the epitome of the tortured artist. Both of these men were bullhorns for my generation. Both of these men died tragically to the demons that haunted them. Both of these men are missed.

Goodbye boys.

Consider donating to the Layne Staley Fund. It is a non-profit that is dedicated to providing hope, education, support and treatment funds for heroin recovery in the Seattle music community.

Suck It, Coldplay

2009-03-31T09:25:00.002-06:00

Soundtrack: "Love Is Noise" by The Verve

This is the newest music video from Britain's The Verve. You might remember their big hit "Bittersweet Symphony" from about 12 years ago. It was all over the place and then the band dropped off the radar and broke up. They are back now and they aren't holding back. Take a listen to "Love Is Noise" and you might find the same thing I did... infectious hooks, foot-tapping beats and Richard Ashcroft's smooth vocals tying the whole thing together.

The thing is... it's effortless. When I compare this song to the most recent offering from Coldplay, who are trying to be the best rock band in the world, what The Verve do is effortless and fluid. Coldplay should have stuck to their Indie-rock-gone-arena approach of A Rush of Blood to the Head because it's what they do best.

Gotta go. I need to listen to this song about 5 more times.

Video Games Are Not For Nerds

2009-03-23T01:09:00.008-06:00

First off, I am finally coming back to this blog because after a long time of hating a lot of things, I realized I miss it. Burnout is a terrible thing for a creative person, and it has taken me some time to get back to where I am comfortable with doing this again. After all, I am a geek. A culture geek. I belong here.

Speaking of geek culture, let's talk about video games. They aren't for nerds any more. They haven't been for a while. As games have moved into the 21st century, game publishers always make sure that their biggest titles feature fun multiplayer action. Because let's face it, even geeks like to get together with our friends. Except instead of watching a game, we play it. Video games have united people across the globe, people who under other circumstances may never have met each other. And in the right situations, the outcome can be magical.

Face it: people you would never expect to be gamers are coming out of the closet so to speak. And they aren't just playing the latest shooter game or Madden '09. They're playing Massively Multiplayer Online games, or MMOs, those dirty, no-good games that according to many people are the cause of so many problems in the world. That's a discussion for an entirely different conversation, so let's just leave it at this: despite the bad rap MMOs get, a lot of successful people are playing them. From movie stars to families spread out across the world to soldiers and military wives separated by duty and service, these games offer a unique type of social interaction along with a long list of other great qualities.

Speaking of social interaction, MMOs aren't the only games to offer it. I just mentioned how a game like World of Warcraft can bring people together. But there are plenty of other games that offer the same thing. Halo, Team Fortress 2, and Call of Duty are great first-person shooter games that have achievements, rankings, large team size, and fun gameplay. The great thing is that they offer online play as well, so whether you have four people in your living room or you're playing against your old high school buddy that lives 1500 miles away, there is a palpable camaraderie that develops.

So here's the deal: it doesn't matter what kind of game you play. Video games have evolved from simple one-player affairs into huge social networks. And with the huge craze in social networking right now, no wonder they are so popular. Just make sure that if you play, it's not the only thing you do. Go out and goof around with friends or go hiking or snowboarding once in a while. Everything in moderation.

Time to go. I gotta go race cars... on a television screen.

Barackula

2008-06-30T11:03:00.003-06:00

Right here.

Oh, and hi there.

Doin’ It For Baby Jesus

2008-04-01T11:31:00.004-06:00

Soundtrack: “Jesus Freak” by DC Talk

I just want to take a moment to share some good news with you. I have decided to enter the priesthood. This might come as a shock to some of you, but it just seems to be where I see my path going. I grew up in a Lutheran household and hold to many of Martin Luther's values. But lately I have seen how progressive, yet traditional, the Catholic church is and that is something that I identify with strongly. Not only that, but I feel a life of celibacy, service, and prayer will benefit me. I have been struggling with my place in the world for some time now. It has seemed that my life is in need of answers and this is the best way I can see them answered.

It is not going to be easy, but I think I can do it. Tomorrow I go in for a psych evaluation, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Hopefully I’ll pass!

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

2008-03-23T17:37:00.002-06:00

Music: “Carry Me Home” by The Living End

It’s official: Rosebud is dead. For those who do not know who Rosebud is, that is the name I affectionately know my Apple PowerBook G4 as. Years of use and abuse have had their toll and she has bit the bullet so to speak. So many deaths related to my geek life lately... it is just a little depressing.

On a completely different subject, Happy Easter. I hope it has been a good one for you, whatever meaning the day holds for you.

Rest In Peace, Gary

2008-03-07T11:57:00.004-07:00

Soundtrack: Pablo Honey by Radiohead

By now the news of Gary Gygax’ death has spread wide and far across the internet. If you do not know who Gary Gygax is, he is one of the original creators of the most popular pen and paper roleplaying game in the world, also known as Dungeons and Dragons. As a self-described geek I am more than familiar with D&D. My years in junior high and high school were spent crawling dungeons and killing monsters with my friends, and that has extended into my years in college. Lately I have been doing less pen-and-paper and more video-based dungeon raiding, but the concept is still the same. So I wanted to say some words in Gary’s honor.

The thing that appealed to me most about D&D was the imagination. Gary and Dave Arneson created something so simple yet so vast in it’s breadth. The concept is thus: you take on the persona of an adventurer in a medieval fantsy setting and join other adventurers in quests to find treasure or complete an objective or just kill monsters. Adventurers start with a specific set of skills and attributes and as you progress and gain experience your skills and attributes are augmented. Although it was not the first table-top roleplaying game; there had been table-top wargames for years when Dave and Gary introduced D&D in the 70’s, it was a new way of looking at wargames which has since spawned an entire gaming industry.

Gary had a great career that had ups and down like any career. He worked on game design all the way through to his death. He is definitely an inspiration to me, I hope to be so lucky to do what I love to do through my last days. Farewell Gary, I'm pouring out a 40 for you.

Observations From The Bus Stop

2008-01-11T11:27:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “We’re In This Together” by Nine Inch Nails

I am back to using the wonderful public transportation system of this greater Denver metro area. And I have some observations to share.

1. In some neighborhoods apparently sitting at a bus stop means you are either a drug dealer or seeking the services of a drug dealer.

2. When you are running late you always miss the bus. When you show up early to the bus stop you miss the buss. When you really need to be somewhere at a certain alloted time you miss the bus. Or the bus doesn’t come, or it breaks down or whatever other disaster could possibly happen to keep you from getting to where you need to be.

3. Bus drivers are either quite warm and friendly people or they do not speak your language. There is no middle ground.

As I have more observations I will share them.

Happy New Year. 2008 is gonna be great.

Fuck RIAA

2007-10-29T18:31:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Silencer” by In Our Failure

I am sure there is at least one or two people out there in internet-land who have noticed my absence. I apologize, but the well was dry and it was time for me to take a break and let my anger get the best of me.

And it has.

I have reason to be angry. Everyone does. The music industry is still being the greedy pen of pigs it has been for years. I know I have been saying that for as long as this blog has existed, just look at my last blog entry for cryin' out loud. So in lieu of repeating myself I would like to refer you to the best piece of writing I have read in a long time. Possibly ever. A dude named Rob Sheridan has a blog. He wrote an article about the changing face of the music industry. Please read it and follow his suggestions because it is the only way things will change.

Steal This Album

2007-09-17T10:51:00.002-06:00

Soundtrack: “The Day The Whole World Went Away” by Nine Inch Nails

So it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I apologize for the downtown but I have been feeling largely uninspired lately. Life has revolved around searching for employment and video games but there is a light at the end of the tunnel friends.

I am of course a little depressed about the state of music and the music industry. It isn’t what it used to be back in the glory days. After watching great documentaries on stories like Stax Records makes me wish that it was still about the music any more. But it is not about the music for about 75% of the industry, or so says my egotistical opinion.

Nine Inch Nails has been touring Australia recently and last night they performed in Sydney at the Hordern Pavilion. He asked about the price of his CD. Now, for some background, in international markets it is often a practice of the record companies to hike up the prices for dubious economic reasons. Last time Trent was in Australia earlier this summer he discussed this practice and slammed it.

In his follow up last night he told the audience to steal his album, a practice that I am sure would give the greedy monkeys in Metallica a heart attack. “Steal away. Steal and steal and steal some more and give it to all your friends and keep on stealin'. Because one way or another these motherfuckers will get it through their head that they're ripping people off and that that's not right.”

This brings up a moral quandary. Is pulling a Robin Hood to bring down the big bad wolf of the music industry, an industry that peripherally employs hundreds of thousands, is that right? There is always going to be a need for certain jobs, so those who have some experience will be able to find new ones. At the same time, many of these people make spit in a bucket compared to what the executives make, and every year these executives raise the price of their product a little more so they can enjoy the latest Ferrari or Aston Martin or whatever it is that gets them off.

I've made my choice. I've worked in both sides of the industry, behind the scenes and retail, and I'm going to steal, steal, steal some more. But I am not going to steal for the sake of stealing. Along with that comes supporting the artist directly. If I download the new Nine Inch Nails album (an album that I purchased, actually), I will go to their concert and buy their merchandise and support the band through the concert ticket. I also buy music from the iTunes store in order to support alternative forms of distribution. So go out there and steal and shake things up. Just don't take down everyone. Some people still need to eat.

The Top Ten Reasons To Not Have A Cell Phone

2007-07-31T14:42:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: The Fiance by The Chariot

I love Wired.com. Their Gadget Lab section ran this column today and I could not agree more.

Invisible Man Can Has Expanz

2007-07-21T13:59:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Sure Shot” by the Beastie Boys

Whilst doing my usual internet surfing I came upon the “lol bible”. And well, I lol’d.

She’s Out Back Counting Stars

2007-07-19T09:36:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Stars” by Hum

Kids these days have no idea what they are talking about when they say “I listen to Emo.” What they call Emo these days is nothing more than poppy derivative bullshit. According to a bunch of online sources including Fourfa.com and Wikipedia, Emo and “Emocore” are terms used to describe a subgenre of hardcore punk which originated in the Washington, DC music scene of the mid-1980s. One of the bands that popped up in the early 90s and actually found a little more success than some of it’s peers is Hum. I remember hearing “Stars” in high school and falling in love with the song. It was heavy, it was beautiful, it was one of the best songs I had heard. In fact it is one of the songs that made me want to write music. So, when some 15-year-old kid wearing his girlfriend’s pants and a bad haircut tells you he listens to “Emo”, he's full of shit. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you some real Emo!

“Reality” Television

2007-07-16T11:43:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Ain’t No Right” by Jane’s Addiction

Last week a huge controversy started when the BBC showed a promo clip from an upcoming documentary about Queen Elizabeth II. The documentary is a day-in-the-life type affair during which she has a photo shoot with famed photographer Annie Liebovitz. In the clip the Queen is portrayed as storming out on the photo shoot. But the incident never happened, and the BBC was forced to immediately apologize. After a little bit more investigation it turns out that the media firm who produced the documentary and the promo clip, RDF Media, is responsible for the whole mess. However, this does not mean that the BBC is completely innocent. They made the decision to air the piece and they now much live with the consequences. But I think the controversy behind this has raised a great point: “Reality” television is rarely real.

Let’s look at this. In an age of technology that allows us to create amazingly real hoaxes, and through the power of video editing, we can achieve any outcome we want to. Instances such as this makes me wonder just how much drama really exists in shows such as “Big Brother” and “The Real World”. First of all, the entire premise is not even reality, so already there is a strike against calling them “reality” shows. These people manufacture drama, and use fun things like multiple camera angles and more than one take to really bring out said drama. And producers have all kinds of post-production tools to help them squeeze even more drama out of situations. And people seem to love it.

Frankly, I think it is an insult to humanity and I think we as a society need to take a long hard look at what we package as reality. This is not real life, this is sensationalism. But hey, isn’t that what America is all about?

Building A Better Me

2007-07-11T10:12:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Dashboard” by Modest Mouse

Among other projects like prepping my parents’ house for painting, I have been working hard at getting a cohesive and well-put-together portfolio done. Of course I have grandiose plans for it, it wouldn’t be me otherwise, but I am also being realistic in my expectations for it. The most important of these expectations is to build a portfolio that not only shows what my technical and creative skills are but also shows every person who looks at it who I am. This is a feat that I have found takes a large amount of introspection and self-reflection. I do not always like what I see, but I am having to leave that behind that and focus on the good parts. I am an abstract analyzer and thus I tend to reflect on how something could be better. That especially applies to me and for so long I have been in this mode of living where guilt and regret over past mistakes has defined me. I make myself a tragic figure instead of someone who overcomes adversity to come out on top. It is a tough thing to change when it is all you know.

So instead of dwelling, of late I have been working to apply my positive attributes to the things I know I am not good at. For example, I am not good at managing my time but I am good at managing graphic matrices and how things fit in a space. So how then can I apply that to my time management? It is forcing me to be even more creative with how I do things. And anyone who knows me knows that being creative is my favorite thing.

The Next Pat Benatar?

2007-07-04T15:54:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Never Again” by Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson has a new album and her detractors are busy right now eating their own words. It may not be as poppy and “commercially viable” as her last album, but that is what people said about her last album when they compared it to her first album. The album is not only #2 on the iTunes top album list, it debuted on the overall charts at #2. It is also #19 on the Billboard Pop chart. That is pretty damn good for only one day on the charts. Interestingly enough Disney sweetheart Hannah Montana has the #1 album on the iTunes store right now. How it got #1 in the first place is beyond me… I am guessing a lot of tween and teen girls with their parents’ credit cards.

While these teeny boppers are buying manufactured tripe like Hannah Montana, Kelly Clarkson is growing up. This album has outsold her last two, despite it clearly being a darker, more bitter, more edgy offering than in the past. In fact, Kelly reminds me a little of a certain rocker girl from Brooklyn who made it big. I grew up in the 80s and I remember Pat Benatar well. There are some similarities in their careers. Both have professional vocal training, Pat in opera and Kelly in choir. They were both discovered at singing contests. And they both have had management troubles. But one thing is clear: they are both extremely talented singers and songwriters who aren't just the flavor of the week. Of all the American Idol winners Kelly is the only one other than Carrie Underwood who is taken seriously at all. And like Carrie she is relying on her own talent and charm to make her career, not her American Idol win.

So what is the point of all this? Despite people who are saying otherwise, Kelly Clarkson is a strong and talented musician who may not take Pat Benatar’s title of “the most successful female rock vocalist of all time,” but I think her career is only getting started. The only thing that is lacking is truly epic songs. With some hard work she can change that. So rock out, Kelly. And hit us with your best shot.

Elegant Sustainability

2007-06-21T19:57:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Frank Sinatra” by Cake

Sustainable technologies are starting to become all the rage right now in light of rising energy and traditional materials costs. These are technologies that have been around since the dawn of time but have been forgotten since the days of the Industrial Revolution in favor of mass-produced assembly-line products.

While mass-production itself is not a bad thing, it has allowed our culture to become lazy consumers. We throw things out at the drop of a hat without thinking about reusing or recycling. This means that more and more goes into the garbage can which means that manufacturers have to make more stuff. Which then goes into the garbage can. From the garbage can stuff goes into the landfill and that means that the natural cycle of things is broken. Resources are not allowed to return into the chain and future generations end up having less to work with. Not only that but the environment suffers. What sustainability does is provide the best outcomes for the human and natural environments both now and into the indefinite future. People within the sustainability community embrace balance. How can we use the resources we have now in a responsible way so that the earth doesn’t suffer and future generations will have what they need? It is definitely a much healthier outlook on conservation and the environment than the fanatical environmental groups who take on a reactionary attitude towards things. And with all of the controversy surrounding global warming and climate change, I feel that sustainability is the best answer to the polarizing questions swirling through our society.

The great thing about sustainability is that it can look good. There are quite a few companies out there that are deeply entrenched in utilizing sustainable technologies, and in fact many fall within the design community. One such player is a company called Moral Fervor. They make great clothing made from organic and recycled materials. Not only that, but their clothing has some awesome design going on. There's a video below that is a short blurb about what they are all about, it's pretty cool.

I would challenge everyone to get involved in the sustainability movement. You don’t have to make any huge life-altering changes, just changes in your attitude towards being a consumer. All it takes is paying attention to the little things. For more information about it, there are two great web sites here and here that offer some great explanations and resources.

This Is Your Brain...

2007-06-02T22:17:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: Siamese Dream by the Smashing Pumpkins

Black 20 has created some hilarious Star Wars-themed public service announcement spoofs. This one is my favorite. There are a few more of them out there, I only wish they had at least tried to get the Darth Vader voice right because this dude’s voice sounds like Groucho Marx with a chest cold.

Tactile Design

2007-06-01T12:37:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Cyclical Code” by Bexarametric

Touch screen technology has been around for quite some time now and it has had it’s ups and downs. Even these days touch screen monitors are finicky, fickle creatures. They have dubious sensitivity and they only offer single-point input, so the user ends up angrily poking the screen for fifteen minutes. Nice.

But Microsoft is developing a computer system that uses a new multi-point touch screen that is quite frankly amazing. This touch screen technology was first built by Jeff Han’s Perceptive Pixel in order to create advanced touch screen solutions for the government as well as private sector companies who could benefit by using multi-point touchscreen technologies. Interestingly enough, these types of interfaces have been around since the 1980s. However, they tend to take a lot of processing power, much more than what was available previously. With dual core and even quad core processors making it possible to do an insane amount of calculations per second, now is the perfect time to harness this technology and make it shine.

I have to admit my mouth is watering. As a graphic designer who specializes in print design, I can see many things that this technology can add to the industry. I would much rather work on a table-top surface instead of a computer screen and keyboard. Not only that, but tablet technology right now is still limited by still being a single-point input device. No stylus, no tablet functionality. But with this technology available, I can only imagine what is possible. Think of taking a stylus shaped like a calligraphy pen and creating digital art that was not previously possible. Or using your fingers to arrange the elements of a composition, or to paint. The possibilities are staggering!

Love And Marriage

2007-05-28T21:04:00.000-06:00

Recommended Reading: Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk

So two really good friends of mine from high school got married yesterday. Of course every time someone close to me ties the knot, especially two of 'em, I naturally get thinking about relationships and love and all that good stuff. It's a bit of a quandry, marriage. Here is something that has evolved from something very personal and spiritual into something that Western society has made into a circus. Just read the tabloids or watch “Entertainment Tonight” and you can find out all the juicy details about the latest celebrity marriage and six months later use the same channels to get dirt on that couple’s divorce. It never fails. In fact, I am surprised when I hear about a celebrity marriage that lasts longer than two years.

I used to think that marriage is something that I'd like to do some day. But there are many days where I find myself saying "Marriage? Fuck that noise." I do not want my life to be a circus. I think having a kid would be awesome, kids are great and I like playing “Uncle Toph” but parenting is just not my thing right now. Not only that, but then there is the whole committing my life to another person thing. It's a little worrisome to me when I think about waking up next to the same person for the rest of my life. Probably 'cause I haven't found someone I'd want to wake up next to every day for the rest of my life. I really want to marry my best friend and as of right now, I have not found that woman yet.

In addition to that I have other responsibilities, better things to worry about/stress out over/have fun with. Like art school. That does not mean I have given up hope, however. I am sure it is in the cards. I am sure when my life has some sort of stability I will find Mrs. Christopher Short. But until then, fuck that noise. I like being independent, I like being single, and I really think I need to get my shit together before I even think about wedding cakes and tuxedos.

The Wonderful World Of Porn

2007-05-25T11:42:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Red Sky” by Thrice

I am putting this out here in hopes that someone can help. For a few months now an associate of mine has been fighting to get one of her images removed from the cover of a porn video.

Yes, you read that right.

Lara Jade, a young and amazingly talented fashion photographer from the UK, has been fighting TVX Studios over their use of a self portrait she took in 2004 at the age of 14. This is not only a copyright violation, but a violation of United States decency laws which state that nobody under the age of 18 may be associated with anything pornographic. That includes porn DVD covers. Not to mention the ethical quagmire this puts her in... being a porn covergirl might be fine with some people, but for someone like Lara who is trying to be a legitimate fashion photographer, this could be a big smear on her reputation.

The unfortunate thing is that she has been unable to do much about it since she lives in the UK. Which is too bad, because something definitely needs to be done about this. So I am passing this along in hopes that someone can help her out. You can find contact information as well as a ton of her awesome photography here.

Growing Relevance

2007-05-14T12:17:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: ...And Justice For All by Metallica

Metallica’s progressive thrash metal masterpiece is nearly twenty years old, yet it is eerily relevant to today’s uncomfortable and bloated political climate. The album, as the name sarcastically implies, is about injustice. From the victim of war in “One” to the scathing criticism of the American justice system in the title track, the album talks about the injustices of war, politics, and the fucked up state of the world in general. I find it interesting how much of the album alludes to the current war in Iraq. “Harvester Of Sorrow” is practically a social commentary about suicide bombers.

What is most interesting are the feelings of paranoia that wash throughout the album. 1988 was a volatile year in the United States. There was plenty to be paranoid about. Not only was it an election year, but there was growing turmoil globally with the first stages of the demise of the Soviet Union. Upon becoming the Soviet Premiere in 1985, Gorbachev worked to institute a series of economic reforms that were known as “perestroika”. One of the most dynamic of these reforms was the Law On Cooperatives. This law permitted private ownership of businesses in the services, manufacturing, and foreign-trade sectors. This was a huge thing for the Soviet Union. It was the first time since Lenin’s New Economic Policy that private business had been allowed. Along with Glasnost, led to a winding down of the Cold War. Even so, people were still unsure about the Soviets. After living with fifty years of paranoia it is hard to shake that feeling off.

It was around this period of time that I was starting to become aware as a person, especially politically aware. These events were a big deal to me. I remember my mom breaking down in tears when the Berlin Wall fell in 1989. I have no doubt in my mind Metallica were just as influenced by world events while writing ... And Justice For All. The album still has Metallica’s trademark apocalyptic bent, but it is more focused. The topics are less abstract and much more real. This was also the period of time that music was really starting to have a huge affect on me. In years previous what I knew of music came from my parents’ record collection and the radio. My parents have awesome taste in music so I got lucky there. But as I was starting to become my own individual, I began to move beyond what their seemingly vast collection of vinyl offered. I never really liked the hair bands of the era. Groups like Poison and Warrant were too flashy, too over the top for my taste. But then I discovered Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, and soon afterwards Metallica and Iron Maiden and Megadeath. This was angry, brutal music that reflected my current distress over how things in the world were going. And today I find myself in almost the same place as I was twenty years ago: confused, angry, distressed. There is injustice in the world and I am pissed off about it. I still listen to loud and angry music. Thankfully my choices expanded greatly when I discovered punk as a freshman in high school, and then hardcore during my senior year. Punk was a great discovery because it was so much more snide and cynical than metal. Instead of pure aggression here was something that was smart and angry. And hardcore was even better because it had the aggression of metal combined with the intelligence of punk. And there was slam dancing... now it was OK to flail around like a lunatic!

Back to Metallica, this is by far not only one of my favorite Metallica albums, but one of my favorite metal albums of all time. I think as long as there is corruption and injustice and a reason to be paranoid, this album will be relevant. It is bold and grandiose and even arrogant, just like the society people in the United States are subjected to daily. But most of all, it is angry. It wants change. And it wants change now.

Office Space Style

2007-05-04T23:53:00.000-06:00

Required Reading: Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk

There is an ink jet printer currently strewn in various pieces around my back yard.

Here's the story. My brother and I inherited an Epson Stylus 777 ink jet printer from our parents. For the last three or four years we've been toting it around to the various places we've lived at. Around nine months ago it finally gave up the ghost. The thing was about six or seven years old so it was just a matter of time. It's been sitting around various places and tonight, while packing up, my brother and I decided to have some fun.

So he threw it off the roof.

We then proceeded to beat the living shit out of this printer á la Office Space. The only thing missing was a baseball bat, but we got around that pretty quick. And now the printer looks like it was hit by a semi truck.

I'm going to love picking up all the little bits in the morning.

What A Guy Will Do For A Beer

2007-05-04T01:24:00.000-06:00

Seriously.

No More War And No More Soldiers

2007-05-02T01:56:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “With Every Light” by The Smashing Pumpkins.

I apologize for the long stretch of time between posts. I've had a lot stewing on my stove, so to speak. There is stuff I want to talk about, but for the last two or three weeks I just have not had any creative drive whatsoever.

I am going to get personal again for just a little bit. I am making a compromise of sorts. I am laying down my weapons because I am tired of fighting. Being right is not worth the trouble I have gone through. I am no longer going to agonize over what is “good” or “right” or “just”. I do not care about things that do not concern me. From this point on I am simply going to live like every day is my last day.

I have always been a very competitive person, but mostly with myself. And I am sick of beating myself up over everything. It is going to take some work, I know, but I cannot justify being miserable and agonizing over the little things. It is time to not just look at the big picture, but obliterate anything that gets in the way of the big picture. That means killing a lot of darlings, as they say in the literary world. It also means focusing on my needs for once. I have been putting everyone before me and sacrificing so much, and people do not give back. So fuck 'em.

But I still love. I still have a love for people who inspire and give just as much, and sometimes more, than I. I still love what I do, but I am going to find a new catalyst a new outlet. No more doing penny jobs for friends, I am going to aim high. And I am going to work hard to form lasting relationships with people who are tied to the graphic design world. I am going to make the most of these relationships. And I am going to spread the work of my friends and colleagues because they deserve it.

I will start with Pete Harrison. Based in the UK, Pete is the mastermind behind Aeiko.net and Funkrush Clothing. And I would have to say that Pete is my favorite designer right now. Maybe ever. His typography work is amazing. He is constantly finding new and exciting ways to represent those pesky 26 letters of the alphabet. So do yourself a favor and go check his work out. It blew me away and I am a cynical designer who’s seen just about everything.

Look ma, the sun is shining on me.

Good Night Kurt

2007-04-11T03:03:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse

Writer Kurt Vonnegut died earlier tonight. He will be missed.

He was a man who was a free thinker and challenged our world in many ways. My favorite short story is one that Kurt wrote titled “Harrison Bergeron”. I remember reading it, and Slaughterhouse Five in high school and being left speechless.

I don't know if words can describe the loss we have suffered. He was one of the greatest minds who ever lived.

Smart = Sexy

2007-04-07T17:40:00.000-06:00

“Hot Soft Light” by The Hold Steady

I have been noticing a trend that frankly makes me smile really big.

Smart girls are popular.

It may be that this trend is only within certain circles, because I have noticed that there is a similar and disturbing trend in the media. This trend is ditzy party girls. Paris Hilton, “The Bad Girls Club”, and celebrity cat fights are all the rage right now. And while Geekdom has held on to it’s hot girls for years, starting with Captain Kirk’s girls on the original Star Trek, these hot girls were not always a part of that community.

But now video games are cool, not something for geeks and nerds and losers. Star Wars has firmly entrenched into pop culture, and Kari Byron on Mythbusters makes being smart, well, sexy. All I have to say is it's about time.

I am proud of being a geek. I am proud of being smart now, but when I was a kid I was ridiculed for it. I read books instead of watching TV (although I had a few shows that I loved), I listened to music that wasn't the flavor of the month (something that I am still proud to do today), and I could draw like a motherfucker. I was the “wierd” kid. It took some time to come to terms with being a little bit different, but I have grown into it and now I openly embrace my geekiness. And the great thing is, so are all of the hot girls who were afraid to before. Plus, geeks are just plain fun in the sack... If you need solid proof, just check out Wired’s Sex Drive blog.

You know what this means? Me and some lucky geek girl out there are one day going to openly embrace our geekiness together. Bust out the Voltron DVD!

Resist Openly

2007-04-07T10:58:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “Dream Brother” by Jeff Buckley

Remember that wiley Trent Reznor and the clever marketing strategy for his new Nine Inch Nails Album, Year Zero? While the album is a great collection of some killer songs and the concept behind it is intriguing and thought-provoking, he isn’t one to take an idea only half way. That is where OpenSourceResistance.com comes in. The idea is to gather the art and ideas of people who care enough about the world and what is going on around us that we do not want a Year Zero. Not through paranoia and destruction, but through activism. After all, if we have an opportunity to prevent the downfall of our society, if we have the opportunity to change the things that are wrong, wouldn’t not doing anything be the greatest sin of all?

Open Source Resistance is only one outlet for making your voice be heard. There are some great organizations out there such as Amnesty International and Save Darfur that are working to create an understanding of some important issues and change things. The people who complain about the world being fucked up but do not do anything about it are just as guilty, perhaps even moreso, than the people who are doing these atrocities. And it is only going to get worse the more people who use, abuse, and exploit realize that nobody cares enough to stop them.

So get out there. Be a voice. Be an activist. Be a dissident. Resist openly.

Disappointed

2007-04-06T15:06:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: “The Bends” by Radiohead

I am more than just a little disappointed at the moment. I would be frustrated, but some awesome acupuncture earlier today cleared that up. I have been making a conscious effort to not get stressed out or frustrated or angsty and simply keep doing what it is I do. And that is design.

But the disappointing this is that this aspect of my life, the thing that I feel I am best at, is not paying off. It should be, but my current employers, who promised me in contract that I would be paid biweekly for the services I render. At the least I should be paid at the end of each project and that is not even happening.

If you recall, some time ago I wrote a blog about being very excited to work for NeverAsk. I still love working for NeverAsk in many aspects, but things are going downhill very fast. To the point where I do not know how I am going to pay rent this month. And I owe money all over town, although not to known pornographers.

I just do not know what to do anymore. I am looking for a job that actually pays right now, but finding a job can take time and I am out of time. I cannot help feeling that I am responsible in some part for letting my friends walk all over me, but I can only take so much responsibility and that is what is frustrating about the situation... a lot of it is out of my hands. I do not like feeling helpless, but when things are out of my hands that is how I feel.

I know what most people are going to say the solution is. “Just have faith”. It’s a nice idea, but faith doesn't pay the bills. Working at my vocation, my calling, is what puts money in my pocket so I can pay rent and eat and do all those other fun things like drink beer. I know what happens when people go overboard with “trusting” faith with their needs... they end up hurting themselves, and usually many people around them. I am not going to renounce my faith and deny that I believe in God, or the tenants of Christianity, but I need to be realistic. And reality is telling me I need to rob a bank.

Just kidding. I am not going to be robbing any banks any time soon. But I am going to start working my ass off even harder than I have been. Instead of spreading myself thin as I have been, I need to focus on the one thing that will help me survive, and that is my career in design. I do not care where I start, I’m even willing to work crappy coffee shop jobs for a while, but I need to get my foot in the door, I need to get my portfolio all nice and shiny, and I need to work to convince the design world of Denver that I am what they need. It will not be easy, but I am always up for a challenge!

Year Zero

2007-04-04T23:56:00.000-06:00

The story about the hype behind the new Nine Inch Nails album Year Zero is not a new story. But there is so much going on that there is still plenty that is new.

If you have been living under a rock, Nine Inch Nails has a new record set to drop April 17th. It is a concept album about what the United States fifteen years from now would look like if fundamental religion, mind-altering drugs in the water, and overzealous government combined to create the world of Year Zero. It doesn’t stop there, though. Trent Reznor has always been good at not only selling the fans on his work but getting them involved as well. This time there is an Alternative Reality Game (ARG) that has everyone from the 16-year-old baby bat fangirl to the staff at Rolling Stone Magazine jonesing to find out more.

In fine fashion Trent Reznor has offered the album in streaming form for all of us to enjoy, and it is nothing short of impressive. I was disappointed with the overly-commercial With Teeth. It was good, but not good by Trent Reznor’s standards. I won’t hold it against him, though. It was the first album he's done since becoming sober. I am sure getting back into the groove of pure creativity can be hard after being around drugs and alcohol for so long. But he has done it very quickly. With Teeth came out in late 2005 and here it is, early 2007, with a new Nine Inch Nails album ready for our consumption. Usually fans have to wait a ridiculous amount of time between albums. And here we are with a new album just a year and a half after the last one.

If you are a Nine Inch Nails you will probably like this album. If you are a fan of electronic music you will probably like this album. In fact, if you are a fan of music at all you will most likely love this album. It's one of those works of music that leaves you breathless, shaking your head and wondering “how the hell did he do that?” He has taken the best ingredients from the entire body of his previous work and very carefully crafted them into the best music he has put out since 1999’s The Fragile. The simple sythpop of Pretty Hate Machine meets the noisy angst of The Downward Spiral in songs like “The Good Soldier”, “Vessel” and “Capital G”. The lilting melodies of the Fragile are sprinkled throughout the entire album, especially on instrumental numbers “Zero Sum” and “Another Version of the Truth”. And With Teeth’s neo electro-punk attitude has been refined, with noisy and loud guitars and quirky synth noise giving this album frenetic and immediate pace. You’re probably going to want to dance to it all night long, and if you have a special someone that is also a Nine Inch Nails fan this album is perfect for other, uh, nocturnal activities. If you catch my drift.

So go out there and get caught up in Year Zero. Go to anotherversionofthetruth.com and uncover the truth about Parepin and the Presence. Go to bethehammer.com and learn how the Angry Sniper went from being a tool of the government to one of the biggest keys in the resistance. Go to artisresistance.com and assault your town with the downloadable flyers, stickers, and other methods of spreading propaganda. Go to echoingthesound.org and learn about the other sites and other people who are caught up in this crazy thing. Go listen to the songs at yearzero.nin.com. And then go buy the album on April 17th. You will be glad you did.

Creating Creativity

2007-03-28T11:54:00.000-06:00

The buzz right now in the creative community is the new Adobe Creative Suite that was officially announced yesterday via a live event and webcast. Let me tell you, it is a designer’s wet dream. As I have been watching this product rollout I am completely geeking out... this is the kind of stuff that designers go nuts over, but if I showed it to someone outside the industry they would simply smile and nod.

In a nutshell, not only does each element of CS3 have gobs of cool new features that allow ideas to be better implemented, but the entire suite of programs are better integrated to allow for a smoother, quicker workflow, not to mention the ability to do do things that were once either not possible or extremely difficult.

The big question is, can a software suite (a really damn expensive software suite at that) make a person more creative? Can Creative Suite’s new features make me a better designer?

In a way, yes, but despite having all of these features a designer has to have talent. These amazing graphics applications can help breed creativity, but in the end it doesn’t matter if a person knows the software back and forth... if they do not know how to apply the software, it is a moot point.

A great artist is a great artist no matter what tools he has available. Before Photoshop and Illustrator and Quark XPress and all of the other graphic design software out there in the world, there was letterpress. Before letterpress there was copperplate. And so on and so forth. If you look at pieces of art and design made before the advent of computer graphics, there are still some amazing works that were created with the kind of imagination that transcends technology. Toulouse-Lautrec, Frank Lloyd-Wright, Andy Warhol... these guys didn't have Adobe Creative Suite 3. In fact, it could be argued that not having these amazing innovations can be a good thing.

When I started drawing and painting and creating, I did not have a computer loaded with Photoshop. Actually, Photoshop didnt exist. I used the tools that I had to exercise my mind and become a better artist. I had a foundation of learning how art works that allowed me to expand upon that in my later years. In high school, when I picked up Photoshop for the first time I was able to use that foundation in art and design. Once I learned the tools and how they all worked, I could then take that knowledge and apply it to my process.

Chances are most of the people who will be able to afford this awesome new software suite will be people who have some sort of design or art background. And most likely this awesome new software suite will not make them more creative. Rather, it will allow them to harness the full potential of their creativity and allow them to make the ideas in their brains reality. I am one of these people, and I can’t even tell you how excited I am!

Be What You Are...

2007-03-17T04:52:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: Amélie by Yann Tiersen

Earlier this month David Carson spoke at the Colorado chapter of AIGA. I didn’t get a chance to go see him, which was a big bummer since those who know me can tell you that David is by far my favorite graphic designer. However, the AIGA Colorado podcast for this month features the Q & A he did as part of his presentation. It was very short but extremely inspiring.

At one point David fields the following question: “What is the difference between Art and Design”. That is a terrific question and he had a great answer for it. Carson said “I think the lines have blurred... I’m driven more towards the art side of it.” He went on to point out that most of his influences are fine artists (like Mark Rothko) instead of other designers (like Paul Rand). He also mentioned that AIGA stands for the American Institue of Graphic Artists. And he ended with "I think you have to make that decision. It has to be I think, what you’re passionate about. It's your choice.”

I don’t quite know why, probably because the man is a god among men, but that statement had a huge impact on me. It has made me think long and hard about where I stand in the world of design. After all, this is a huge field and the range of careers within it is enormous: from accountants to art directors to illustrators to photographers. In fact anyone who wants to get into design can, it doesn't make any difference whether you are artistic or not. Just don’t expect to be a production artist or designer or an art director if you are lacking in artistic ability.

David Carson is in a unique position. He didn’t start his career in the commercial arts the usual way, which is going to school and getting an internship and then getting a crappy job as a web monkey or production artist or whatever. Here is a man who loved to surf, he loved music, he loved skateboarding, he loved that whole culture. He graduated with a degree in sociology and the only training he had in design was a couple of graphic design workshops. Instead of learning about art an design from the outside, as many of us in this industry go through, he learned all he could from the inside by immersing himself in the beach culture of the mid 80s. Punk rock, skateboarding, surfing, bohemian attitudes and an emphasis on self-expression through art is what he found; a gig as the art director of Transworld Skateboarding is what he walked away with. In 1991 his success as a professional surfer (he was ranked 9th in the world in 1989) allowed him to become the art director for Beach Culture, and it was there that he solidified the unique style that he had been cultivating. At the time the style was revolutionary and it ushered in the grunge era of design... an era that helped give the grunge era of music it's identity.

Since then he's worked for HOW magazine, founded Ray Gun magazine, and started up his own design studio where he's worked with everyone from Nike to Nine Inch Nails. Not bad for a guy who didn't even go to design school. And it has me wondering if I need to go to school. I've been in school for way too long. I have learned a lot here, but I have learned even more on my own. It has been good for me because most of my teachers have pushed me hard, sometimes to the breaking point and sometimes even past the breaking point. But I have also pushed myself and I work for people who know that even though I am good I can be better, much better. I just finished what I think has been my greatest design achievement this weekend. It’s just a web site, nothing even that sophisticated. But every step of the way I've had plenty of solid constructive criticism of my work and I have generated something that I feel is some of the best work I have ever done.

David Carson’s words are still ringing in my ears... do what I’m passionate about. It’s my decision. If I am not passionate about learning through books and homework anymore, but rather passionate about learning through immersing myself in what I want to do, in becoming a part of the culture of design, maybe I should stop doing what I am not passionate about and just start doing. David Carson worked hard. He wasn’t lucky, he wasn’t just in the right place at the right time, he was the right person at the right place at the right time with the right mindset and a drive to do something new. Revolutionary thinking is not easy. It is not something anyone can do. I believe it is something that 80% of the people on this earth are just flat out not capable of.

And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am part of the other 20%. There is no ego, no simple arrogance, just fact. I know I am better than most people, and I think it is time for me to prove it.

I just have to decide what is the best way to accomplish that.

But I know I am going to be what I am and most of all be passionate about what I do. You should too.

Everybody Loves Wired

2007-03-16T17:24:00.000-06:00

Soundtrack: It’s Crazy by Drag The River

Wired Magazine is a unique entity. Not only is it a successful print magazine, it is a wildly successful web site. Recently they underwent a design overhaul. A new identity combined with a new front page layout has given the stalwort media dispenser a fresh look, but not everyone who trolls the world wide web is a fan. Among the many negative comments are posts such as “To which middle school art class did you farm this out?” and “No. No. No. Bad Wired. Surely this is some cruel joke because you withheld pizza and caffeine from the html coders, yes?”.

It is not a cruel joke, and I am not quite sure what people are complaining about. Apparently it is hard to read, but when I view the site in both Firefox and Safari, I see a well designed site with great visual hierarchy. The designers do not need to tell you what parts are the most important with subheadlines. Everything speaks for itself. In fact, it almost reminds me of the way an actual print magazine table of contents might be laid out.

Here’s what I think has happened. People on the whole do not respond well to change in the area of things that they are familiar with. Wired had the same layout on their front page for years and years, and people were used to it. They could scan through it easily and find what it was they were looking for. And then the folks at wired had the audacity to overhaul their own front page... how dare they! Well the world changes, folks. All of you out there in hinternet land are going to need to get used to that. Sometimes it is hard.

On the other side of the coin, it is not necesarily a good thing for a buiness to alienate their customers, and especially not good for a magazine to alienate it’s readers. There are going to be the folks like me who continue to read Wired regardless of the change. There are going to be the readers like me who like the change better. There are going to be new readers, and there are going to be people who leave because they do not like the way the new front page looks. What remains to be seen is whether the people who leave outweigh the number of faithful as well as new readers. Here's looking at you, Wired. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.

Making A Future Out Of Things Of The Past

2007-03-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Outkast” by P.O.D.

Things are looking rather promising for multimedia design right now. In fact, for technologies such as web and multimedia design, the future is so bright they have to wear shades. But what about good old reliable print design? What about the technology that lets us have books, lithograph posters, compact disc inserts and most importantly, those cute little coffee cup sleeves that have trite advertisements all over them?

One would think that things in that realm are bleak. People have found other ways to advertise so there is less money being poured into print advertisement budgets. Five years ago Medialife magazine reported a “Dire future for print design.”Five years is a long time in the world of instant gratification, MTV, and fast moving interactive technologies. Unfortunately that is not the only grim forecast. There's everything from talk about major newspapers losing a ridiculous amount of earnings to the interesting observation that internet media may be replacing traditional PR methods.

Despite the doomsaying, print media is here to stay. I don’t think traditional methods will ever be replaced. When radio became the popular medium people said it would be the end of the newspaper. The newspaper stayed around. When television made it’s debut people said it was the end of of both radio and the poor, unloved newspaper. Yet what do we see today? They both still exist today. It should be noted, however, that the newspaper’s role has been constantly evolving. It will always be around in some form, but that form is continuously changing.

Here’s the deal folks. The newspaper is not that important in the world of modern print design. People in the graphic design community who are mourning it can stop because they do not need to. See, it is not about how interactive technologies are killing off traditional methods. It is about how these new technologies are causing traditional media to evolve. But most of all, it is about how designers and pre-press gurus push these time-tested and familiar technologies to change with the new world that is rapidly forming. Some companies such as Colour Innovations in Toronto Canada are doing just that. In addition to leading the way in FM printing and high-density inks, they are the primary licensee of a new technology called MetalFX. It is a new way of printing metallic colors that is starting to revolutionize the industry. Then there is stuff like “smart” paper, anaglyphic printing, synthetic paper, and various other fun technologies that make print a little more interactive. But the best innovation is something that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to no end.

Just a couple of days ago Adobe, the fine folks who have faithfully brought us their flagship software Photoshop for nearly twenty years, announced the impending release of Photoshop CS3, of which a public beta is now available to users of the current Photoshop CS2. CS3 will be the tenth version of Photoshop. And Adobe is going to do something groundbreaking. For the first time in the history of technology, 3D support and motion graphics editing are being added to a 2D image editing computer program. Not just one, not just the other, both. For the layperson that means the Photoshop doesn’t just make your photos better, it doesn’t just give you the ability to create amazing print and web graphics. It means that from now on the game has changed and creative potential is limitless.

It is interesting to consider the options. Does this mean it is now possible to create a website alongside a short film? Is it possible to produce a feature-length Hollywood movie on a laptop that has Photoshop? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am excited about the creative possibilties. But most of all, I am excited for the future of design because this kind of integration means that designers are going to once again push the boundaries of convention and they are going to break out of the box. And thinking outside of the box is what makes the creative world go around.

Get Wet

2007-03-02T15:32:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: Redeemer by Norma Jean

Sex appeal goes a long way in advertising. It can be as alluring as the anti-aids campaign that features men and women getting fresh with various deadly and venomous creatures. Or it can be as cheap and obvious as those annoying Budweiser ads with beautiful models hanging out drinking cheap beer.

My favorite “sexy” ad campaign so far has to be the Radiator waterwear “Improve Your Flexibility” series of ads created by the Furnace agency. They are nothing new, but they are so cheeky and bare in their less-than-innocent stab at decency that you just have to smile. I posted what I think is my favorite example (just look at that dude's cheesy grin!), you can find the rest of them here.

A Microsoft Type Thing

2007-02-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Identity Theft” by Vaux

I know I complain about Microsoft a lot, but I don't want people to get the impression that I indiscriminately hate them. On the contrary, in fact. I do enjoy many of their products and innovations. OpenType has to be my favorite of these innovations, but as someone who deals with web design daily, ClearType is a close second.

To be honest I am surprised that Microsoft came up with it and not someone else. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be surprised, but ClearType is a literally a new way of looking typography in the way that it allows digital type to be more readable on the screen. Microsoft in the past has done some things for web design that have been innovative as well as some things that have been annoying. Microsoft FrontPage is one of the annoying things they've come up with, but on the Typography front they have been somewhat helpful. Since Windows 95 was first released Microsoft has been releasing a steady stream of web and screen friendly typefaces like Georgia and Verdana. I am not a huge fan of Verdana's clunky stature, but Georgia is perfect as a screen font. In fact, as you read this blog you are enjoying Georgia’s pleasant proportions and large x-height.

This brings me back to ClearType. Microsoft’s screen fonts were a great step forward in pushing design for the computer screen forward. But Microsoft’s typography division was not satisfied. So for several years now they have been working on a new of way of rendering screen fonts called ClearType.

The story goes like this: the main reason that Microsoft has been pushing forward in the area of digital typography is pretty simple. The majority of typefaces are designed for print. Helvetica and Arial, Times New Roman, Garamond, Futura, Optima, even Lucida... they are all designed for print. That means they look great on paper. Books, flyers and posters, packaging, and everything else you can print. And many of them translate well to the screen at larger weights. But once you get below about 10 point, the elegant figures of a typeface like Garmond become hard to read because of resolution. See, print has a high resolution. Your average laser printer prints at 300 dpi, or dots per inch. Your average screen resolution is 96 ppi, or pixels per inch. This means that a laser printer has over three times the resolution of your computer monitor. No, junior, not even your “high resolution” LCD screen can compare. And so Microsoft has invented ClearType, which uses what is called sub-pixel rendering to make typefaces look good. Now spindly script typefaces won’t look like pure crap. Elegant faces like Garamond will show up halfway decent on screen. But Microsoft didn’t stop there. They didn't just want a new way of rendering type, they wanted to show it off.

What do people who care about typography do so that the default typeface looks good in both print and web? Commission a whole slew of new fonts that do just that. And that is what Microsoft has done. And they developed these new typefaces in conjunction with ClearType, so they are guaranteed to look good. I have to say, as a typography nut they look really good. I was impressed. No clunky Verdana. No old and tired Courier. Just six really solid typefaces. Wanna see them? Sure you do.

The crazy thing about this is that ClearType has been around as long as Windows XP has. A few years back Mister Usability himself, Jakob Neilsen wrote about how ClearType has the potential to save a company an average of $2000 dollars per employee per year. But you have to turn in on.

So Beautiful...

2007-02-26T03:13:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: Aenima by Tool

So disturbing. Ah, Windows Vista... you seem like you are so far away, yet so close. Too bad I know all about your disgusting STDs, you sick and embarassing hooker.

No, I'm not biased. What makes you say that?

I Just Want Something I Can Never... Had?

2007-02-21T23:22:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Something I Can Never Have” by Nine Inch Nails

“I have pretty much accepted the possibility that I will never be successful. My idea of success is just too fucked up and the bar too high.”

Ah yes, hopelessness and despair. Such an awesome and uplifting way of thinking. Beer and a crappy situation at work are responsible, but days later I recognize that all hope is not lost.

Setting the bar for success is always a tricky thing. Sure, it gives a person goals and ambitions to chase, but often we human beings set the bar according to our imaginations, and I have a pretty wild imagination. When I was eleven years old my brother and I would record these funny little interviews as us being rock stars. We were being half-serious, of course. Which means that there was, and still is, ambition towards that goal of being rock stars. Not so much for my brother, I don't think, but definitely for me.

I have been told from a young age that there are great things in store for me. Those kinds of statements can warp a young mind into an ego the size of Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse is thought to be at least 500 times larger than the sun. That’s pretty astronomically huge. And you wonder why I have a superiority complex.

I Like The Kind Of Labels That Come On Beer Bottles

2007-02-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Disconnectie: The Faithful Vampire” by Norma Jean

My, it's been a Norma Jean kind of day, hasn't it?

I just had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. She's got this idea that religion isn't bad as long as people do not limit themselves by labeling themselves whatever that religion is. For example, as a Christian my beliefs are totally cool, but I should not call myself a Christian because I will be limiting myself. Which is a nice idea, sort of.

But I think she’s on the right track. I think where she is trying to go is this idea: do not define yourself by what you label yourself, i.e. nerd, jock, Christian, Muslim, graphic designer, theoretical analyst, etc. Instead, let your beliefs and who you are come out in the way you live your life. Are you a Jew? Work at a bank? Then don't live as a Jewish banker should, but as your belief dictates. That means studying scripture, giving to the poor and the widows, eating kosher foods, being responsible with money, taking care of the customer, fiscally sound, all that good stuff. After all, what good does it do to tattoo “philanthropist” on your forehead if all you are going to do is march around and point to it and say “I like to invest myself in people! Look at me!”

That seems to be what religion has turned into, though. In fact, it seems to be what American culture has turned into? Are you Republican or Democrat? Christian or Atheist? Black or White? Citizen or Illegal Immigrant? It's a culture of labels and extremes... no wonder we're so fucked up.

Who is Jerry?

2007-02-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Bayonetwork: Vultures In Vivid Color” by Norma Jean

I get that question all the time. You see, I have a lovely little Apple PowerBook adorned with many stickers. One of these stickers says [ this is jerry ].

So who is Jerry? This is Jerry. He's quite the internet celebrity.

What A Wonderful World

2007-02-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Misirlou” by Dick Dale

Last week Steve Jobs posted an essay about the world of digital music on the Apple web site. In it he says the following: “Imagine a world where every online store sells DRM-free music encoded in open licensable formats. In such a world, any player can play music purchased from any store, and any store can sell music which is playable on all players. This is clearly the best alternative for consumers, and Apple would embrace it in a heartbeat. If the big four music companies would license Apple their music without the requirement that it be protected with a DRM, we would switch to selling only DRM-free music on our iTunes store. Every iPod ever made will play this DRM-free music."

The sounds of rejoicing would never cease if such a world existed. Think about it. The iTunes Store has been wildly successful, but people still don't like the FairPlay Digital Rights Management (DRM) software that restricts how a file is played. All digital music files acquired from the iTunes Store have the DRM, and people can authorize up to five computers to play that file on, but only iPods can play those files. That means that people who own an MP3 player made by another company such as Creative, Sony, or another manufacturer are out of luck if they want to listen to music they’ve bought from the iTunes Store. And people are already taking notice. Apple is facing an anti-trust lawsuit here in the United States, and last mothe a court in Norway ruled that the FairPlay DRM is illegal.

As Steve Jobs said in his essay, he would love to be able to sell DRM-free music on the iTunes Store. I am sure Microsoft would love to as well, and Yahoo, and... well, just about every major digital music store that sells music licensed by the Big Four. So who is this Big Four that Steve Jobs speaks about? The Big Four are the four major media companies that own most of the record labels in the world: Sony BMG, Warner Entertainment, Universal Entertainment, and EMI. They, along with the RIAA, are responsible for things like DRMs and anti-piracy software and other nonsense that makes life for the average consumer harder than it needs to be. Remember the fiasco with Sony BMG’s copy protection software? Or their payola settlement? Yeah, I do too. As compact disc sales drop the huge media conglomerates are scrambling to try to find a way to stop losing money. The problem is the money-grubbing executives running these companies. As we saw with Sony BMG, they will do anything to try to make a buck, including illegal activity.

So what is the solution? Either regulate the industry (a though that makes me want to throw up), or stop buying from these assholes. I like the second idea a lot, which is why I go out of my way to give my money to the independent labels like Abacus, Stones Throw, and Rykodisc. Once the majors figure out the money is not in the manufacture of CDs, they will instead put their resources into distribution. Most of the independent labels in the US have distro deals with a major label, so it works out for everyone. Until the independents become the majors, and then all of this bullshit starts over again.

It all comes down to this: if the Big Four want to survive in this new digital world, they need to adapt. And they are going to have to make some initial sacrifices in order to adapt. If they hold on to this DRM thing, they are going to piss enough people off that they will eventually fall. It would behoove them to license music without the ridiculous DRM requirement if they want to start making more money. It would also behoove them to ditch RIAA, although I don't believe that will happen any time soon. No matter what happens, they need to realize that the old way of doing things will no longer work, and it is time to look ahead. There is a reason why record labels like Trustkill and Victory are selling so many records, and it's not just the bands they sign.

Back To The Old School

2007-02-11T03:49:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: Public Warning by Lady Sovereign

As you know I love all aspects of typography, including studying it’s origins. I came across this wonderful example of turn-of-the-century typography while doing my usual surfing. For those not in the know, Frederic Goudy is the father of some of the most elegant typefaces ever seen. Have you used Copperplate Gothic lately? Then you know Goudy's work. Typographers used to create catalogs of their work, a practice that is still done today, only digitally. Another thing that is different is how typefaces are sold. These days it's by the face (or by the family), but it looks like back in the day type used to come by the pound. Kinda like fish!

Don't Ever Ask

2007-02-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones

If anyone ever tells you that patience does not pay off, they are fools and you should probably not listen to them. Ever.

Case in point: my career in graphic design has been a point of contention for many people. I have had friends flat out tell me I will never be successful in this field so I should not even try.

And they were wrong.

Case in point: I now work for a multimedia and design firm that will most definitely make my career. In fact, there is more a 75% chance that this job will make my career. And here is why: it is different than any other design company on the planet. Sure, every design firm is “different”. But usually this difference is trivial and in the end the product is the same. The company I work for is called NeverAsk. I think that is a cool name, personally, and the idea behind it is just as cool, if not cooler. The company is dedicated to creating realities that are different than the norm. From interactive and game design to graphic design, NeverAsk does things differently. Everyone in this group of people have distinct and unique personalities. It is what makes this company so great, and it is what will make it so successful.

If I sound like a walking advertisement, I apologize. I am sure those of you who know how long I have waited to enter into this industry outside of the freelance work I have been doing are excited for me. And I have to say, I am excited for me as well.

Speaking of “this industry”, things are pretty exciting for the design world. While there are some big problems like bad typography, bad layout, and overall bad attitudes about design, these problems have caused the real designers in the world to push for stricter design guidelines across the board. And I think I echo many people when I say the following: if you are a bad designer, you aren't a real designer and you should just stop trying. Seriously. Stop fucking things up for those of us who actually have an ounce of talent. Stop exploiting your hobby, which you should probably stop doing as a hobby. And stop using god awful typefaces like Arial, Verdana, and Comic Sans. Arial is a poor bastardization of Helvetica (with some nods to Monotype Grotesque thrown in). Verdana was made strictly for screen, and it's not even very good for that application. And Comic Sans is just... wrong.

Anyway, enough of the tirade. What matters is that there are people like NeverAsk out there trying to put an innovative face on an industry that remained stagnant for so long.

Almost There... Almost There...

2007-02-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Disquiet” by Stavesacre

I am pretty sure everything is going to be OK. Even though more bad shit happened to me in the first month of 2007 than the first six months of 2006.

But I think things are going to be OK. I don't know that for certain, but I'm taking that leap of faith and putting hope in this year. It's all taken shape so fast, without warning. I don't think everything that has happened in the last week has had a chance to completely sink it yet, but it will. And one thing is certain, and that thing is my career in graphic design.

It's funny in an odd way how things never quite happen how I imagine they will be. I was approached by some friends of mine I know from my favorite coffee shop haunt. They wanted me to be involved in a design venture they were cooking up. I said yes, but I didn't really take it seriously. They were persistent, though, and this past week deals were struck and contracts were put into place and now I have a job with an up and coming multimedia and design firm doing web design for a client who is willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money. I like that idea. And as I said before, it hasn't quite sunk in yet.

Especially after I get my first paycheck.

More on that at 10.

Thinking About Type

2007-02-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Bayonetwork: Vultures In Vivid Color” by Norma Jean

Let’s talk about typography. Because it's important that we do.

Back some time ago Joe was giving me grief about being a typophile, and he said something along the lines of “I don't obsess about what font I use.” That statement has stayed with me for this entire time and in fact it has actually bothered me. And I think I now know why. Our world is filled with people who do not care about good typography, and that scares me because as a result it means they are saying they do not care about communication or language.

That’s why I am here, to once more make people care about these things.

First off we need to establish some proper terminology and vocabulary. The typeface that this blog is formatted with is not a font. Nor is a font another way of saying typeface. Do not tell me to change the font because I won’t. Instead tell me to try a different typeface. Because I can do that.

Now that we have some proper groundwork laid down, let’s talk about why typography is important. Typography is the way that words are visually communicated to the reader. In the old days people would write things like letters by hand. If you wanted something typeset you took it to a typesetter. The typesetter knew his trade and therefore you didn't have to know about typography. A little later typewriters came along, but nobody had to worry about typeface selection because there was one, and it was monospaced so nobody had to know about kerning or tracking or any of that. And then the personal computer was invented. So now we live in an age where everyone in some way is an author of communication and it is important that everyone be able to communicate properly.

What does this mean?

It means you have to learn something, Einstein. It means you need to become educated in how to properly communicate to the masses, and to do that you need to learn about typography. Why do you need to do that? Because you don't have the typesetter anymore. You have a computer. You have an available internet connection. You are ready to start bringing your ideas to the masses. So do it the right way.

I am not going to go through everything you need to know here. It would take far too long and I just don't have the time. But I will show you. There are many great web sites out there that can tell you about typography. Thinking With Type is one of them, and I think the best. It skips the history lesson and goes straight into the nuts and bolts. It tells you what you need to know about properly using typography. And it even has links. So go there. Drink in their wonderful knowledge. And use it, for goodness sake. You don't need to go overboard and make all of your emails works of design genius, but at least try to make your website look like it wasn't designed a five year old. Because I don't know if I told you this or not, but... it totally does.

Ah, L’Amour...

2007-01-28T15:43:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Autumn Cannibalist” by Die Manequin

Let’s talk about romance. Real romance.

People in our wonderful little American culture have a seriously skewed view of what romance is. Most American men think romance is being old-fashioned and doing “cute” things to make a woman think you care about her. And women... the average American woman’s view of romance is so varied that it's no wonder we men are left dazed and confused.

Here what I believe the true definition of what true romance is: it is demonstrating to the other person in a relationship that this relationship you are is meaningful. Which means that there is no right way to be romantic, but plenty of wrong ways.

One thing that many people seem to be confused about is the fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to our senses. Sexually speaking, men are turned on by sight and women are turned on more by touch. That doesn't mean there are exceptions or other variables involved, just that in general the sexes work that way. Back to romance, men are almost right on the “cute” things. Not so much cute, though, as little things that demonstrate how you care about a girl. You do care about her, right? Right?

The thing that I think is killing romance is that everyone wants to be single and have fun. That doesn’t work. Oh sure, it may work for a little while, but the second you see a girl walking around with another guy, you get jealous. Unless she’s a prostitute, but we won't get into that. Romance is supposed to work in a sense of being in a deeper relationship. A relationship that will lead to a life-long union, whatever that may be. Traditionally it is marriage, but some people never officially tie the knot and end up being “life partners” or whatever.

I am willing to bet you are asking “so if romance is doing something that shows I care about a woman, how do I know what to do?” That's the hard part. That is where you, mister, need to find out how you can properly demonstrate this. And that is called commitment. Oh yes, the dreaded “c-word”. Please don't ask me how commitment works, though. I seem to be attracted to women who are deathly afraid of commitment in any shape. Ah, woe is me.

Well Now.

2007-01-23T23:15:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Muzzle” by The Smashing Pumpkins

Well, I have realized very recently that I need to either win the lottery or to get a new job.

I'm not counting on the lottery.

This is so damn annoying.

I Grow Old, I Grow Old...

2007-01-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Dirty Harry” by Gorillaz

Not physically old, but old in the sense that time is starting to creep up on me and I'm not certain if I'm going to be out of school by the age of 30, much less ever.

But whatever. I'm going to enjoy this next year of my life as much as I can. In a little more than two week I'll be 26, and I think that's a good age. I only want two things for my birthday: the love and adoration of my friends, and a tattoo. The love and adoration part is more important, though.

For quite some time now I have been wondering if pop culture's recent obsession with remakes, sequels, and retoolings will ever stop. From glib cover versions of classic songs to movies that are simply trite remakes of great films, the wonderful media machine that is Hollywood and the recording industry is churning out tired but familiar sights and sounds to the masses. And we are eating it up. All I have to say is, “What is wrong with you, people?!”

I think we are on the verge of seeing something new. People will only take the 80’s hair rock rehashes for so long before they discard that for something new and exciting. But will this new thing really be new? Grunge and alternative beat the hair bands before, but they fizzled out quickly. Now alternative describes performers like Hootie and the Blowfish and Jack Johnson, which is ironic since the Alternative tag represented the music underground.

Here's how I see it. Music, and other media for that matter, is like a funnel. There is a ton of stuff on the surface, far too much for anyone person to completely process. As the music industry processes everything, it's funneled towards the tip of the funnel, which represents the Consumer. Everything eventually becomes more pop-oriented as it passes through the funnel. The stuff that is most accessible to the largest common denominator is the stuff that makes it through the neck of the funnel.

So no matter how esoteric music gets, it will eventually become watered down more and more each year until it becomes pop drivel. There's nothing we can do about it, that is just the way it is. If you love music, you'll take it as it is and just grin and bear it. There's always the stuff on the other end of the funnel, after all. It just takes some sifting.

Fifteen Blows To The Back Of Your Skull

2007-01-20T21:06:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “No Surpises” by Radiohead

Among the many different projects I am working on is the resurrection of an old band. One of the songs we started working on but never really did anything with was a cool and laid back version of Radiohead's “Climbing Up The Walls”. I love that song, in fact it is probably my favorite Radiohead song. It's about a mental institution, but it really strikes a chord in my life. Yeah, I feel just a little insane, sure, but it's more of what Thom Yorke sings in the chorus:
And either way you turn
I'll be there
Open up your skull
I'll be there
Climbing up the walls

I am not sure why those four little lines mean so much, but they do. And once I figure it out I'll let you all know. But that might be a while.

In the meantime, enjoy an amazing live performance of the song from the Glastonbury Festival 2003.

In Memoriam

2007-01-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: The Art Of Drowning by AFI

Dedicated to the memory of Nathan George. Rest in peace, friend.

Darkness
Sunny disposition aside,
Black nail polish doesn't fool anyone
Melancholy eyes aside,
You don't need to become them to save them

Open up the cold
Open up your bottle
Open up your skull
Let the darkness in

Bootstomping aside,
You persuade towards the digital
Melancholy prayers aside,
This time it's become personal

Open up the cold
Open up your bottle
Open up your skull
Let the darkness in

Your quest aside,
How has it come to this demise?
Your smile aside,
Did you die alone and shivering?

Open up your heart
Let the light in

Public Warning

2007-01-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Love Me Or Hate Me” by Lady Sovereign

It was the first day of classes today and I almost started off on the right foot. Almost. First off, I slept through my alarm this morning and missed my first class. Then I figured out I registered for the wrong English class... after I went to the class. So I need to work on those two things and I'll be back in the swing of things. Cake.

One of my classes is Web Design I. It is sure to be a fun class despite the fact my teacher doesn't really know the software. Yes, you read right. He will be learning alongside the class. He's a cool guy, too, which means I get to do whatever the hell I want. Booyah. I think I am going to take the opportunity to make it an independent study type situation. I already know the ins and outs of CSS, I know HTML like the back of my hand, so why not learn something I don't know? I know that Flash is going to be covered, and I'm fine with that, but I want to learn something other than just Flash. Quite a few somethings.

One of these somethings is databases. Especially SQL and the like. I have come to a point in my web design career that is one of those brick wall points. I can see over the wall, and I know that there is a way over. But I have not yet acquired the information necessary to get over the wall, and that is where this class comes in. So I am naturally excited. Once I am up over that wall it is all over, bitches.

Another thing I have discovered is that the class I have on Mondays and Wednesdays is two blocks from my house. I live off of Bruce Randolph and Humboldt and the classroom is on Martin Luther King and Humboldt. The only thing that would make it better is if I did not have to work on Monday and Wednesday mornings. Or if the class was on the Auraria campus, because I would not have to trek all the way down to the Tivoli on campus and then trek all the way back “home”... before heading to my internship on 14th and Ogden. Too bad I don't have a car. Oh well.

I Give Up

2007-01-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Conditional” by Living Sacrifice

I am done with reaching out to people. It is far too exhausting, and I really need to take some time to focus on forging a better me. Plus, people suck. They just do. The only people I can trust are my close friends. They are the only people who give without a thought of return. Sorry if all of this sounds emo and whiny and Livejournal-ish. I'll stop now.

The internship has been going well. I am working on some fun projects at the moment. One in particular that I like the best is an internet radio station. I am currently developing an identity system for the station, once it is done I will post the end result.

The poem du jour is a bit of an anti-corporate rant. You'll see why when you read it... and props to those who can pick out the various literary references.

Death Of A Salesman
It’s five minutes past four in the morning
I can’t seem to sleep
So I’ll take some NyQuil and some Quaaludes
And in the morning we’ll kill Nanny
After all these years
We end up worth more dead than alive
After all these years
We realize that life is a lie

White shirt
Fancy shoes
What’s worse?
Life or death?

That girl over there is pretty cute
She’s snorting cocaine
From a diamond-studded pocket mirror
Walk into a jungle and come out rich
After all these years
We end up worth more dead than alive
After all these years
We realize that life is a lie

White Shirt
Fancy suit
Be careful
Watch your back

This party could be better
This party should be better
This party could be killer
This party is all filler

Coin Slots Are For The Weak

2007-01-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: Donnie Darko

Two things that made yesterday awesome:
1. I drank enough coffee to kill a small horse.
2. I discovered that Pop Tarts are extremely flammable.

The reason for the extreme coffee consumption yesterday is simple. I started training for my new job yesterday. I'm working at the coffee shop in the Tivoli Student Union at the Auraria campus. It used to be called The Daily Grind, but that went out of business so now it's Cimarron Café. I like Daily Grind better.

Coin Slot
Don't go out tonight
The darkness is sharp knives
My soul is begging you
Don't leave your birdcage

They watch with cat's eyes
They mean to do you harm
They stare at your plumage
And lick their dry lips

The coin goes in the slot
Ring the bell and jackpot
You light up and go to sleep
Coin slots are for the weak
The coin goes in the slot
Wrap your tears in this loss
Light me up and go to sleep
Coin slots are for the weak

Don't be weak

Don't do the easy thing
Display your supple fur
Wrap your vines around him
Don't drag you down alone

They watch with bated breath
They mean to do you harm
They stare at tiger stripes
That wrap around you

The coin goes in the slot
Ring the bell and jackpot
You light up and go to sleep
Coin slots are for the weak
The coin goes in the slot
Wrap your tears in this loss
Light me up and go to sleep
Coin slots are for the weak

Don't be weak

Well. Maybe Things Are Getting Better

2007-01-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “She Bangs The Drum” by The Stone Roses

Yeah, I know there has been no activity on my end for quite some time. Apparently nobody really cares that much, which is fine with me. I don't care all that much either because all I am concerned about is getting my shit together. And, well, it is.

Today was the first full day of my internship and things went really well. I did three business card comps as well as a poster comp in a mere 6 hours. That's not half bad.

The main reason I haven't shown my face around here is that up until today there has been no reason to do so. Don't get me wrong, I have been doing things, but I would rather not report on stupid and uneventful situations in my life. Some people say that bad news is better than no news, and I suppose that is true to an extent, but on the other hand I'm getting tired of writing bitchy posts on how much the world sucks. There's already enough of that on MySpace.

Somebody Must Like Me

2006-12-28T18:07:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: "No Excuses" by Alice In Chains

So, I have an internship. The one thing I have been super stressing out about and I finally had one fall into my lap. I will be working with Scholar's Network doing mostly print and some web design. I can't quite put into words how excited I am... we'll just say "very".

2006 will be ending in a few days and I cannot be happier. It was a terrible year in which bad situations only became worse globally and more locally, I returned to an annoying pattern of mild self-destruction. At least I'm not a drug addict or homeless. Or both. I only have one resolution for this upcoming New Year's, and that is this: I will not set myself up for disappointment or defeat. That's the only one I'm making this year.

Bah. Humbug.

2006-12-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

Soundrack: As Daylight Dies by Killswitch Engage.

I hope everyone had a great Chanukah. I did. And I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I'm not even going to mention Kwanzaa because it is totally a make-believe holiday and only white schoolteacher celebrate it. That's right... black people do not celebrate that stupid, creepy holiday. They know better.

I'm writing this from my dad's office at my parents' house in Monte Vista, Colorado. If you don't know where that is, learn some fucking geography, newb. You heard me. It's going to be a white Christmas here in Colorado (most of Colorado, at least), and I couldn't be happier about that. I'm pretty happy right now because my Denver Broncos are winning against the Cincinatti Bengals. Hopefully they don't screw it up... our playoff chances depend on it.

On the subject of Christmas, have I mentioned how much I hate this time of year? If not, I do. I don't want to be a Grinch or anything, but I think it is completely too much. It's overdone on every front, especially commercially. Think about it for a few seconds... what is the first thing that happens as soon as you finish Thanksgiving dinner and wake up after falling asleep during whatever boring football game is on? The Christmas season kicks into full gear. Sometimes retailers don't even wait until Thanksgiving and they get a head start as soon as Halloween is over.

It's ridiculous.

I don't want to hear Christmas songs 24/7 for a whole fucking month. I don't want to have to be reminded of hour the average consumer spends $907 on the holidays alone. I don't want to be reminded of how a holy man named Saint Nicholas has been turned into a sad caricature of consumerism. I don't want to be reminded of how people don't even know how to fucking spell Christmas... so far this year, I've seen X-mas and even X-mass far more than I've seen the real spelling. And I certainly don't want to be reminded of how inconsiderate and closed-minded assholes are trying to make the idea of Christmas illegal. Oh, sure, it's OK to celebrate Kwanzaa, but no Christmas. Does anyone even know what Kwanzaa is? I didn't think so. I do. It's a fake holiday. It was founded by some guy in California in 1967 as an "alternative" to Christmas. Nice.

As I said before, I don't want to sound like a Grinch. All I have been doing is bitching, but I have good reason. Most people don't see Christmas for what it is. It's a gift. If you believe in Christ as your divine Savior, it is a gift from God to His people. Who are his people? Everyone. And I think everyone can get something out of Christmas. It is about giving and sacrifice and upholding promises. It is a time to be surrounded with loved ones. Unless you are unconditionally selfish, Christmas is a holidy for you. And to work so hard to cheapen it, to remove Christmas greetings because they are "biased religious blessings" is bullshit.

I'm tired of caring, though. I'm through caring, actually. I am not going to do it any more. I am going to spend time with my family, I am going to give to the people I love, and I am going to remember a Promise given to me. If it offends you, I have a couple of other words:

FUCK YOU.

And to all of you who celebrate what Christmas is about regardless of race, creed, gender, or religion... THANK YOU.

Blah.

2006-12-20T01:28:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “We Do Not F*ck Around” by Viva Voce

Inspiration has been very dry lately. It's because of the war in my mind, although things have settled down. But last week was pretty bad. Especially the weekend. I don't want to go into things, because I am still pretty fucked up over it, but I came to some conclusions that rocked my little world. They are conclusions that I am not certain art true, conclusions that I don't know if I believe, but things have been hard.

So here's a poem that should sum things up nicely. Please don't take it literally because this kind of thing just does not work that way.

Vida
Mother, your boy is losing faith in eternity
And father, your son is son is at the end of his rope
Lover, your beloved searches concrete jungles for you
Please brother, I'm not sure how much more you can take

The center of the universe is deep within my heart
But my heart is black without the sun
I need someone to light the path that lies beneath my feet
Because it's hard to see in the dark

Mother, please try to let your little one go
And father, your son is all grown up now
Lover, be kind to the one who is young at heart
And brother, always be good to your friends

Because they need you now, even more than you might ever know
Their hearts are quiet and dark
There's an empty house behind those eyes that beg to be filled
With love taken straight from the sun

Fuck Death

2006-12-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “It's All Over Now, Baby Blue” by Bob Dylan

Yeah, that's right, fuck it. Fuck this thing that takes loved ones' lives and leaves us sad and yearning. I'm sick of losing people in my life, and it is only going to get worse. We are all powerless against it.

Death is a sneaky one. He comes quietly in the night some times, like a thief. Avoiding direct confrontation, just taking a person without a word. At other times he shows up early and prolongs the fact. He makes it as miserable for a person as possible, just to inject pain into the lives of those who love his victim. And every once in a while he takes someone in a blaze of glory. I used to think I wanted this last type of death, something along the lines of being electrocuted while on stage playing in front of a crowd of thousands in some huge arena. But these days I have the thought “I don't want to die alone.” I want to be surrounded by loved ones.

I am not afraid of him, though. I am not afraid to die. And I would sacrifice my life for those I love. How does that proverb go... Greater love hath no man that he lay down his life fore his friends, I think. And it is true.

Many people say that when we die we go somewhere better. That may be true, but that doesn't make it suck any less. Because it means I am just some soul, and while I am sure I'll be happier and far less angsty, it means I will be disembodied. And who wants to be a soul with no body?

These Times Try Men's Souls

2006-12-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Bayonetwork” by Norma Jean

I'm really tired of putting up with all of the bullshit in my life. See, last night my housemate Benjamin got drunk and threatened Scott with a pair of knives because he finally got sick of Scott's shit. Scott has this pathetic and annoying habit of welcoming himself onto people's couches. I was getting sick of him sitting around all day too, but you don't pull a fucking knife on someone.

Not only that, but it's been a completely emotionally draining semester. Kyle is having a rough time after having to break off a long-running relationship. And it's been tough for me because he's my friend and I believe in investing myself in Kyle. He's also a business partner and a fellow Christian. All of the heartbreak he is going through has reminded me why I hate relationships, and it makes me wonder why I really wanted one this past summer.

Of course it doesn't help that before all of this erupted, Rhi called me and asked me to run away to Greece with her.

And I'm going to do it.

Because I'm tired of the bullshit.

But I kinda need a job first.

Goodbye Autumn

2006-12-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Memorabilia” by Nine Inch Nails

I apologize for the prolonged absence. I have been pretty busy with school and trying to find a job so everything else has taken a back seat. The semester is over as of today, however, so I'll be back at it for your reading pleasure. But for now, here's a poem.

Wanderlust

Restless she paces as she
Forgets social graces and
She wanders
And she wonders
What are you waiting for
As though you lust for more
As you wonder
You wander

But I know
Where this road will take me
Though I have not yet traveled it
And seeking
To stop this restless heart
That is constantly wandering

To you

To you

I let my wanderlust
Go wherever it must
She wanders
I wander

If I Go Away...

2006-11-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “In The Arms Of Sleep” by The Smashing Pumpkins

Will anyone notice? I'm sure someone would.

So then, a more pertinent question might be, if I go away will anyone care?

Once again, I'm sure someone would.

So, then, if I go away, would anyone understand? I'm not so sure. But I think I might need to go away for a while.

Let's just say that this week I realized that family is the only thing I have in this world right now. Note that when I say that I mean not just family by blood, but also my extended family of close friends because they are indeed family in my eyes. And yes... they are all I have or even care about in this world. I honestly don't care about anything else. Other than God, but I suppose one could lump Him in there with family as well. It used to hurt to not care, but I don't even care about that anymore. And I have to admit it is just a little scary.

As an addendum, note that I said “go away”, not “die”. Very important difference there so I thought I would clarify.

I feel bad about slacking off on the poetry front. So here's a peace offering... an oldie but goodie that turned into a song.

Compromise

Now I offer up this compromise
Now I offer up this apology
Now I tear it all apart
What would I have done differently

Everything
So there

This is not happening like it should
But isn..t that the way it goes
So much we want to say
What could I have done instead

Everything
So there

So just go ahead
Let..s see what you bleed
Blood or not there will be pain
So we..ll offer up this compromise

And now, triumphant we yell ..Take that!..
But it never seems to help
What would we have done instead
What would we do differently

Everything
So there

So just go ahead
Let..s see what you bleed
Blood or not there will be pain
So we..ll offer up this compromise

Transducer Saturation

2006-11-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Cursing Robot.

Just Press Play Pt. II

2006-11-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack: “Stand And Feel Your Worth” by Thrice

So, I started to reply to the Saint's comment on yesterday's blog, but it started turning into a novel and so I have for you part two that is the saga of Toph trying to find some ambition in his life. The Saint has this to say: “Toph, you piss me off because I know you could be hugely successful if you just put your mind to it. I mean, God did not go short on you when it came to talent. But why don't you ever use it, man?” And he is 100% right.

It is also something I have been hearing my whole life, and it has never sunk in. I used to shut down, in fact, as though it was some kind of enormous pressure on me to be Albert Einstein or something. But last Thursday I attended the opening of the Community College of Denver Student Art Show and I was blown away because here were all these people my age having their art judged by professionals and getting scholarships. I never used to care much about awards, they are nice but to me they were either just pretty pieces of paper or pretty pieces of paper that I can spend on whatever trivial things I felt like spending it on that week.

But the student art show was different. Because everyone was asking me “Toph, where is your stuff? You should have entered!’ and it actually meant something. And I have realized in the last week that I am completely selling myself short.

And so now I stand at a crossroad in my life. Comments like the one Saint made used to make me shut down when I was a kid because I would want nothing to do with any of that “stuff”. I didn't want to be successful, I just wanted to fit in. And then in middle school and high school I discovered music and all I wanted to do was become a rock star like Kurt Cobain. Minus the shooting myself in the head part because if I'm dead how do I enjoy my vast wealth? I have always been a dreamer. And I have always had dreams of being successful, but they are dreams of me 5 or 10 or 20 years down the road. Yoda could have been talking about me when he spoke of Obi Wan to Luke in The Empire Strikes Back. “All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph.”

So now I look to success today. If I keep the wheel to the right, towards the future, I will eventually crash into something. If I keep it to the left, to the past, I will again crash. But if I keep it straight, turning it occasionally when it is necessary, I will be able to get to my ultimate goal. There may be bumps in the road, but if I keep my eyes on the road ahead I'll be fine.

Just Press Play

2006-11-14T05:15:00.000-07:00

Early on in my blogging career I explained why I gave this blog it's title. It's been several months, though, so I thought I would 'splain it again.

Basically, I can accomplish, achieve, learn, or overcome anything set before me. But, by default I am set to self-destruct mode in order to make things more interesting and challenging. Yes, it as annoying as it sounds. But after much recent reflection and prayer, I have set off the impetus for my success in life by overcoming this self-destruction. As I said before, if I don't think I will be successful at a venture, I will not undertake it. I do not deal with failure well, and I deal with success even worse. I am not sure why. Perhaps I am afraid that by being successful it will mean I will have to give up who I am. Perhaps it is a deep-seeded rebellion against the good protestant work ethic that flows like milk and honey in my family. Heck, maybe it's a combination of short attention span and laziness. I don't know. But what I do know is that I have to overcome the urger to make life harder for myself if I want to get anywhere in life.

2006-11-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

Something Happens And I'm Head Over Heels
Soundtrack: “Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division

So, I had to turn word verification on because the spambots were getting totally annoying. So, now you have to type in a letter code to comment. I know, it's totally a drag. Just deal.

Donnie Darko is amazing. I'm sitting here, watching one of the most amazing movies ever. I'd write more, but nothing comes to mind and Joy Division is playing. Good night.

2006-11-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

Why Religion and Politics Do Not Mix Well
Soundtrack “Four Cornered Lives” by Vaux

Another election has passed and it has become apparent that people are retarded.

Maybe that's a little harsh, so I'll say instead it is apparent that people are ignorant. In Colorado there were two important ballot issues. One was an amendment to the state constitution that defined marriage strictly as a union between a man and a woman. Wait a second. When was a state amendment necessary to define marriage? What of those who have a different definition, are we saying that they are not human? It passed, and a referendum that allowed for domestic partnerships that are not defined as marriages was voted down.

Some might be asking why this is a bad idea. It is an incredibly awful idea because in the United States we have two documents called the Constitution and Bill of Rights that declares that people who are citizens of this wonderful nation have certain inalienable rights. The first amendment reads "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." It is that first sentence that is most important. Freedom of religion, or lack thereof.

First of all, I don't agree with the homosexual lifestyle. I think it is immoral, but I also understand the concept of free will. It is an important concept for people to grasp, yet people cannot seem to be able to do so. When you restrict the rights of a certain groups, or write legislation that favors a certain majority, you are cheapening the quality of life of the group or persons who are having their right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness restricted. This includes gay people. We've abolished slavery, why can we not allow people who choose to live a certain way to live their lives?

Here's another way to look at it. Try looking at it from an entirely different perspective. Suppose you lived in a society where homosexual relationships were the norm. If the government put into place legislation that did not allow legal heterosexual relationships, aka the traditional marriage, would you not be outraged? I know I would.

It's a touchy subject, for sure. Ultimately I look at things this way: as a follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ, I am to show love to everyone I encounter. I'm not always the best at doing this, but I try. I believe that restricting people's rights is not showing love. It is pretty much the opposite, actually. So when I do things to hurt or disadvantage a fellow human being in the name of morality, a morality they obviously do not share with me, I am doing the opposite of showing the love of Christ. And so is everyone else who does this.

Jesus Christ hung out with the Scum of the earth. He saved an adulterous prostitute's life. He wasn't about the moral high road, because He knew that no man or woman can take that road until he or she has accepted grace. There are a lot of people who have not accepted grace. Let's try to show them a little love. Their lives depend on it.

This is my plea... stop the hate. It's killing me.

2006-11-08T02:04:00.000-07:00

Help Me.
Soundtrack: “Teardrop” by Massive Attack

I don't want to care or feel any more.

I really don't.

It is too painful.

2006-11-07T16:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry, Christopher Is Not Home Right Now
Soundtrack: “Are You With Me” by Vaux

A few years ago my therapist told me that having a lot in common with a pretty girl is not grounds for being in love. He also told me that he thought my fascination with death was unhealthy.

I thought he was a quack. He's not my therapist any more.

But I think I see where he was going with the love thing. And it has me thinking, "Well, what is grounds for love, then?"

It's a thought that runs through my head more and more each day. And then my lovely mother sent me an email the other day that said “Christopher, you are closer to 30 now than you are 20.” Thanks mom. Thanks for one more added pressure that is the boiling kettle of my life.

I don't deal with pressure well. In fact, I just shut down. It's been happening my whole life, and I think I have finally determined why.

I just want to be normal.

“But silly Christopher, nobody is normal. Everyone is a unique flower!”

Bullshit.

I was made superior to some people. It's a fact of life. I was made to do things that other people cannot do. It's not egotistical, it is the truth. There are some people who can do things I cannot do. Such as rocket scientists and politicians. But they cannot see things the way I do. And it is a little scary.

Because I don't know if I will ever find a special lady friend that lives up to my standards.

As of late I have stopped caring about a great deal. I've decided to stop worrying, and it's working. Maybe a little too well. I don't want to have to deal with pressure any more. I don't want to have to deal with people telling me “Gee Chris, you are the best designer in the class!” I can't even turn my fucking homework in on time. I have tried. And I fail every time.

Maybe I am destined to be the failure in this life, overwhelming success in the next. Van Gogh is fucking rich and he's dead. So is Picasso. And Kurt Cobain.

2006-11-02T00:32:00.000-07:00

Trick Or Treat!!!
Soundtrack: “Into The Void” by Nine Inch Nails

So, I also posted this over at the Genesis blog, but I decided to post it here as well. It's about Halloween and how people who think it's Satanic are dumb. More or less.

Hi, I'm Toph. Today marks the start of a new blog I will be writing dedicated to culture and how it relates to the elemental life.

So what does this mean? It means I am going to look at cultural events and trends and examine how they fit into this whole Jesus thing. Yes, I just said Jesus. I don't intend on dumbing things down for anyone. You should know that this blog is going to be from my point of view and contain my opinions, so you may be offended regardless of whether or not you subscribe to any kind of Christian theology. I'm not here to be judge and jury, though, so please do not expect retarded commentaries like "God hates fags" or anything like that. It's not in my nature.

Today is All Saint's Day, also known as All Hallow or Hallowmas. Which means that yesterday was Halloween. Yes, the day that most American children get dolled up in costumes of varying types and are unleashed upon the cringing masses. Yesterday my housemates and I ran out of candy within a couple of hours, which worked out anyway because it was Tuesday night and that means the Pretty Boy School of Public Speaking. Don't fret if you do not know what that means, I'll explain that in an upcoming blog.

So where am I going with this Halloween thing? Well, I am glad you asked. Halloween is hotly contested in the Christian world. There is one camp that says it's a harmless holiday that no longer resembles the Pagan holiday it shares a date on the calendar with. Others say that since it was derived from the druidic day of Samhain, it is intrinsically evil and should not be celebrated. And then there are the people who don't even care.

Let me throw some history your way. Halloween originated as a Pagan harvest festival among the Celts of Ireland and Great Britain with Irish, Scots, Welsh and other immigrants transporting versions of the tradition to North America in the 19th century. The term Halloween, and its older spelling Hallowe'en, is shortened from All-hallow-even, as it is the evening before All Hallows' Day. "Ah, yes," you are thinking to yourself. "He mentioned that in the first sentence of this blog. But I still don't know what it is." All Hallow's Day is the day in which many cultures honor the memory of the saints who have gone before us. By saints I do not mean the canonized Catholic saints, but the saints of God, which is all believers. So while it originated from the ancient harvest festival known as Samhain, Pope Gregory IV changed that when the date of All Saint's Day was moved from the middle of May to coincide with the old superstitions and further assimilate Celtic culture into Christian culture

So what does this mean as far as deciding how to celebrate this creepy holiday? Absolutely nothing and absolutely everything. See, here's the thing... Samhain and Halloween are completely different holidays. Regardless the obvious close association between the two holidays and the lingering Pagan traditions that came from Irish culture, Halloween is a night of celebration. Kids and adults alike have the chance be the imaginary, or sometimes real, character of their choice for a single night. It is a chance for us to come to terms with our morbid curiosity and watch our fill of cheesy and sometimes not so cheesy horror films. But most of all, it is a celebration of life.

I think of Halloween as a part of All Saint's Day. So do Mexicans who celebrate Dia de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead. That is what it is. and it is a way for us to pay tribute to our ancestors who have passed. Sure, trick or treating is fun and Halloween has definitely turned into a huge commercial holiday. But people who skip Halloween because it's Pagan should stick with their convictions and skip Christmas and Easter, too. Because those two holidays are Pagan holidays too. Burn your Christmas trees, folks, and forget about the presents. And let's not decorate Easter eggs, either. Yes, Halloween is another sad example of how hypocritical fundamentalist crackpots love to make controversy out of something harmless. I pray that they find no more victims. And I also pray for them, for they know not what they do.

Well, I'm done. Let the hating start, people. Because I have a hankering to shower the love of Jesus on anyone who dares get snippy with me. And I will do it, I'm not even kidding.

2006-10-22T13:42:00.000-06:00

The Great Outdoors
Soundtrack: “I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow” by John Hartford

I have realized recently that I cannot remember the last time I went out and enjoyed the beautiful sights and sounds of nature that Colorado so lovingly offers us, her residents.

And so I've resolved to go out and frolic in the mountains as soon as is humanly possible for me. It's about time. And if anyone would like to help me out with that, I would sure appreciate it.

In other news, I had a super freaking awesome night last night, and I did so without having to consume more than 1 alcoholic beverage. That's pretty damn good, I'd say. I met up with some old high school friends, carroused with a drunken Benjamin, and in general just enjoyed being back out and about after a stressful week trying to get all sorts of stupid crap done. Important crap, yes, but stressful and therefore stupid.

2006-10-19T22:49:00.000-06:00

Oh, I Forget...
Soundtrack: “Street Carp” by the Deftones

Bathóry

Summer fell upon me
With all of it's lush decadence
I wore it upon my sleeve
And I bathed in it's excess

Autumn fell, a shower of gold
Dignified and beautiful
I wore robes of white and silver
And I bathed in milk and roses

Winter fell upon me
The virgins' blood on my velvet gown
Languidly wearing a smirk on my face
And I bathed in crimson serum

Winter fell as I did
Cruel and cold, dark and dire
I danced upon the scales of the Dragon
And I bathed in the fires of Hell

2006-10-17T20:25:00.000-06:00

Autumn Wonderland
Soundtrack: snowy silence and the tapping of laptop keys

Today is the first big snow of the year. It started off sleeting this morning, then the sleet turned to slushy snow, and then the slush turned into wonderful big fat flakes of snow that caught in my eyelashes and slowly melted. It's been precipitating since I woke up this morning and it's been going all day long. That means that the high country is getting plenty of snow, and that makes my soul sing with joy.

Despite the snow it is still Autumn here in Colorado. And to honor this, my favorite season, I have written a poem. Enjoy.

Autumn
I traverse these autumn shadows
Black Cat can't even see my path
My foot falls silent, eyes always seeking
The dry dead leaves part as the red sea

But here in the silence
These dark forms stalk me
My fear overwhelms
As my eyes cloud
Intangible sadness
I won't let it take me
I unfurl black wings
And I fly away.

Unseen horrors peek from dark corners
They lick their lips and gnash their teeth
My mind falls silent, I can't let them find me
My fear parts as the red sea
And I traverse my mountains of uncertainty
And let my wings bandage me
My eyes fall silent, my soul always searching
And in a moment the tide is turned.

My fear will run away before me
My eyes wil paralyze their legs
My enemies will bow before me
And offer their necks to my sword

2006-10-08T15:21:00.000-06:00

“If Jesus Christ's Second Coming Were Tomorrow...”
Soundtrack: “One Love” by Massive Attack

"... He would be killed by Christians."

Not my words, but the words of an amazing slam poet. These words were heard at the Denver Art Museum Hamilton building opening.

It was amazing.

2006-10-02T08:04:00.000-06:00

Killing My Darlings
Soundtrack: “An Eclipsing” by Stavesacre

It's taken me a while, but I had a pretty shocking revelation recently. This revelation is about responsibility mainly, but also entitlement. I realized that I need to focus on how the decisions I make in my life affect me, not how others' decisions play into my life. Because I have no control over the decisions that others make, but I sure as hell have a say in how my own decisions work for me.

In other words, I need to stop shooting myself in the foot.

It's true. I am exceptionally good at self-destruction, and I wasn't sure why up until very recently. It is because I like to make my life as difficult as possible. It's emotional masochism in a way. Part of it is fuel for my creativity (animosity breeds innovation) and part of it is because I want to overcome the challenges behaving in a self destructive way presents.

Yup, I'm fucked up.

2006-10-01T16:31:00.000-06:00

Finding Happiness In Depression
Soundtrack: "In Regards To Myself" by Underoath

Some say depression is a sin. I say those people are crazy. See, I've learned to thrive on depression. I've learned to take it and club it into submission. I do my best creative work when I feel like my world is collapsing around me. And there is nothing like the feeling of being right on the edge, of being in peril of falling over the edge of the cliff. It's an emotional adrenaline rush of sorts.

So what am I depressed about? Um, everything. Because I am afraid. I am afraid of fear and afraid of failure. I am afraid I may not accomplish anything I have set out to do. But I am not worrying about it. When I have these thoughts of fear, I send them up into my Beloved's hands because I know that only He has the strength to take them on.

Phoenix
You can not be real
But you claim to be me
I'd like to know how
To get you off my back (monkey)
These Autumn leaves burn red
As dos my blackened heart
These soldiers march through my soul
And occupy my mind

But I know
Something you don't
This fire
Purifies gold
Don't hold on
To what you've got
Let ye
Be judged and destroyed

I am so real
But not in this room
I watch my body burn
So I can rise again
These Autumn leaves burn red
As dos my blackened heart
These soldiers march through my soul
And occupy my mind

But I know
I will live again
This fire
Purifies me
Don't hold on
To what you've got
Lest it
Be taken from thee

I destroyed myself tonight
So I can fly again
This cleansing fire
And this pure water
Lift me up again

I destroyed myself tonight
So I can live again
This burning desire
And this pure soul
Will fly yet again

2006-09-27T15:58:00.000-06:00

A Doozie Of A Biology Lesson
Soundtrack: "Ignition" by Stretch Armstrong

My dear mother sent the following tidbit to my e-mail inbox and I cracked up for what seemed like eternity. I thought I'd share with all of you out in internet land.

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious dad, can you help?"

I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged.

"Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired.

(I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my
wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labour. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea,"

Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 Lizards... $140
1 Cage... $50
Trip to the Vet... $30
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie...Priceless

Moral of the story: Finish biology class. Lizards lay eggs.

2006-09-22T01:44:00.000-06:00

Telling The Untold Stories
Soundtrack: "Fixation On The Darkness" by Killswitch Engage

Breath

Little girls grow up
And break their fathers' hearts
Little boys become armchair gladiators
Follow the American dream
But I stand alone
And let the rain soak in
While office flunkies run
Holding soaked newspapers over their heads

I sleep on the pavement
Of this city I call my own
I take with me nothing
But these things I hold inside
My skin is stone
But my soul, it transforms
Soon I will be light
To stand out against consuming black

These little lies we hold
These severed truths we hide
I am standing outside the fray
Where will you be when this ends?
And I still stand alone
And let this light soak in
While the weekend warriors run
To try to escape the fire

Just breathe

Just believe.

2006-09-18T22:40:00.000-06:00

I Like To Make Life Excruciating
Soundtrack: “Roses” by Outkast

I still have not been able to remedy the problem of no power supply for my laptop, which is excruciating. Aha, I have successfully used that word twice in one blog entry. Beat that. Anyway, not having a laptop has been hell because I'm tied down to my tired old PC at home. And I tend to be less than productive on that thing, especially since I have Need For Speed Underground 2 loaded on it. Which, speaking of, I was up until 6:30 am this morning playing that thing. Man that game is addictive. “Just... one... more... race...”

I have also been busy, so that along with no computational mobility makes for very few blog entries indeed. Do not fret, though, my pretties. Once I have an AC adapter for Rosebud (the name I have given to my laptop), I will be blogging slightly more often and with more gusto. I am trying to inject some dedicated blogging time into my day, hopefully that happens.

Stay tuned for more on how I like to make my life hard. It promises to be entertaining.

2006-09-09T03:00:00.000-06:00

Jet Ski Lessons
Soundtrack: "Recado Bossa Nova" by Hank Mobley

It's been a rough week for me. Monday didn't start out too bad. Since it was Labor Day I had the day off from classes, so I hung out with Kyle for most of the day. We did some design work and shot some photos. Afterwards we headed over to Joe's for Genesis. While I was over there I had my laptop set up on a stool with the power adapter running across the width of the room to the wall. Dawson, Joe's dog, is the most neurotic creature on earth and he likes to freak out and run around all the time. And, well, he ran straight through the power cord, yanking it forcibly out of my laptop. The end was all bent, so Joe and I tried to fix it. Alas, we only made things worse. Anyway, that was the end of my power adapter, and I've been without one the whole week. Since my PowerBook only has 3-4 hours of battery life, I had to transfer some important design files and shut it down until I can recharge the battery. So I've been using my PC for doing design projects, and that's rough. Stupid windows.

On top of that, I got sick on Tuesday and it got worse on Wednesday. Turns out to be Bronchitis. Wonderful. So I've been drinking tons of liquids, especially orange juice, and taking it easy. I really shouldn't be awake right now, but the insomnia isn't letting me sleep and so here I am. Of course, I'll live. And I keep telling myself I don't have it that bad, especially since there are starving children in Africa.

One of my favorite shows on television is Whose Line Is It Anyway? You can tell the guys have so much fun doing the show, especially when they have a guest appearance by someone like Richard Simmons. In fact, that episode is still my favorite, I couldn't breathe by halfway into it. And look, I just happen to have it for your enjoyment.

2006-09-06T13:12:00.000-06:00

Victory Through The Cunning Use Of Flags
Soundtrack: "Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica

I stalk through the no man's land
Gingerly avoiding the spidery mines
They blindly float through this tortured atmosphere
Feeling out the helpless victims with spindly arms

Run and leap
From cloud to cloud
Hold on tight
To your banner
Once you reach
Your intention
Plant it deep

This burden hangs heavy on my heart
I gingerly avoid all responsibilities
But they blindly follow me anyway
Feeling me out with their darkened tendrils

This world is bearing down on me
This world is bearing down on me
This world makes it hard to see
But I will not let this world break me

I can see
The battlefield
Holding tight
To my banner
I will reach
My destination
And plant it deep

2006-09-04T00:19:00.000-06:00

Rock and Mutha Snorkin’ Roll
Soundtrack: “Electioneering” by Radiohead

So, Friday night I witnessed one of the most epic shows I’ve ever seen. Planes Mistaken For Stars and Avail were at the 3 Kings Tavern as part of Denver Fest II. And it was rock and roll, baby. I had blood on my sleeve after the show. Now that's a good rock concert. And it's probably the only time I am ever going to see Avail, so I was really excited to see them. Later on this month is Vaux with the Photo Atlas, Dead To Fall with Misery Signals, Throwdown with Zao, Evergreen Terrace, and Maylene and The Sons of Disaster, and last but not least Mastodon with Converge and The Bronx. I doubt I’ll be able to see all of those shows, but for sure I'm checking out Vaux, Throwdown, and Mastodon. Yay, metal.

School is going great. Both classes are pretty cool, especially Design and Concept. I think I am going to post updates of my progress in that class. The first project that we’re working on right now is a masthead for a magazine that we will eventually be designing. Look for that this next week.

2006-08-31T11:03:00.000-06:00

Innit Technology Wonderful?!
Soundtrack: “Song 2” by Blur

So, I have been hearing friends of mine talking about Skype and I decided to check it out. Skype is a cool little program that lets you talk to friends for free. And by talk I don’t mean instant message, I mean talk. Like people used to do back in the 90’s. The great thing about it is that it is free. It doesn’t stop there, though. Skype offers some super cool features like Skype SMS (which allows you to text a la your super expensive cellular phone plan) and SkypeIn, which gives you your own local phone number that works with Skype. Talk about cool.

Last night was an interesting night. I won't go into the whole thing because things got very creepy at the end of our night. But I would say the highlight of the night was doing a guerilla photo shoot with Brandi and Kyle at the Erie Cemetary in Erie, which is just outside of Denver on the way to Fort Collins. The shots turned out great, unfortunately we had to keep it short because the police were on the prowl. Ironically it was a police officer who told us about the graveyard. We had been scouting locations at one point and we found a stretch of road that looked pretty abandoned and perfect for our means, so we started shooting. The officer pulled up behind us, asked us what we were doing with a camera on the side of the road at that time of night, and we straight up told him what we were trying to accomplish. So he directed us to the graveyard but warned us that "Sarge" was on the patrol, so we should keep things short. After the camera battery died on us, we headed off to find a gas station, then we headed to Hell's Gate. That's when things got creepy. Brandi and I were getting majorly bad vibes, so we left and then parted ways once we got back to Kyle's car. We now have some really cool locations that we can use for shoots in the future, though, so that will be cool.

2006-08-29T20:44:00.000-06:00

Saving Typography
Soundtrack: “Dolly Dagger” by Jimi Hendrix

Design by Fire is one of my favorite blogs to read. First of all, it is less of a blog and more of an über-magazine dedicated not only to Design but to the thoughts of Andrei Michael Herasimchuk, who worked for Adobe Systems for many years as an interface designer. Which means he is a big reason why products like Photoshop and Illustrator are so damn fun to use. He was also project lead for Adobe Lightroom from 2002 through 2004 and he currently is a principle designer at Involution Studios. But really, this is not so much about him as it is about his fun and informative writings at Design By Fire. The fact that the site is so well designed is insignificant compared to awesome articles like this one. When I read it, my soul smiled.

The article takes the form of an open letter to John Warnock, who is a god among men in the design world. The letter is a plea from Andrei for John to “consider releasing eight to twelve core fonts into the public domain.” And I have to say, I hope John Warnock reads Andrei’s letter and takes his request seriously. Because the future of design depends on it.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a typography nut. I love it. I love collecting new typefaces and fonts, I love studying the history, and I love it when I can find the perfect typeface for a project… the one that makes all the difference. And I get incredibly frustrated when people just slap some random font on a design without any care or thought. Right now Times New Roman, Arial and Verdana rule the design landscape, especially on the web. While Times is not a terrible font, Arial is nothing more than a poor bastardization of Helvetica and Monotype Grotesque, and Verdana doesn’t even work right (see also Tahoma, which is pretty much just a rehash of Verdana). Part of this problem is Microsoft’s attitude towards typeface licensing. It’s a long story, but back in the late 80’s there was a huge digital typeface language war which led to Apple and Microsoft agreeing upon a cross-licensing and product development deal, the fruits of which would be available to both parties. Microsoft’s solution, TrueImage, never took off, but Apple's TrueType did and TrueType has been built into the Mac operating system ever since. Microsoft was on the bandwagon a couple years later when they introduced TrueType into Windows 3.1. Apple, being the sticklers for quality they are, decided to license a selection of fonts that were very useful for professionals as well as for everyday use, like Helvetica, Times, Courier, and Garamond. Microsoft, being the cheap bastards they are, decided to grab a whole bunch of knock-off fonts, like Arial. Thankfully they also licensed Courier and Times, I'd imagine life without those typefaces would lead to a cold, dark, lifeless world. I shiver at the thought.

So this brings us to the modern day. Right now Apple only has just over 2% of the market share in the computer industry. That means that most of the computers in the world, almost 98% in fact, use Windows as their primary operating system. That means that a majority of amateur graphic design and desktop publishing projects are using fonts like Arial and Verdana. And this is a bad thing. If you have to ask why it's bad, just reread the third paragraph.

What can be done? Well, until Microsoft stops ripping off fonts, there won’t be much that can be done about Windows users having access to bad fonts. Thankfully with Vista and Office 2007 they are changing most of the default fonts that Windows users have overused and abused through the years. Maybe that means less Tahoma and Verdana. I hope so. I think what has to happen is something that Adobe and many of the world’s most prestigious font foundries are not going to like. I think they are going to have to listen to voices of reason, voices like Andrei, and make some sacrifices. I think Microsoft will have to stop being a cheap little bitch and cough up a few dollars for some decent typeface licenses. But most of all I think higher learning institutions are going to have to put more of an emphasis on teaching students about typography. It’s one thing to learn the tools of the trade. But it’s another thing to learn how to use design concepts like composition and typography effectively. And I just don't see that coming from places like the Art Institutes. I dunno, maybe Microsoft and Apple and Adobe need to start helping out in that area too, offering effective and concise tutorials on typography and typefaces to help users out with that side of things. Granted, that is not necessary for the dude who just wants to write an inter-office memo. I don't care what typeface people use for that. But when it comes to graphic design, both print and web, good typography is essential and necessary. I just hope it does not become a lost art.

2006-08-25T10:41:00.000-06:00

Cruelty
Soundtrack: “One” by U2

Apparently there is a video floating around the intarweb of a small kitten being doused in lighter fluid and burned to death. I haven’t seen it, but I did stumble upon some screen shots and they made my stomach churn like it’s never churned before. It took me a second to figure out what was going on, and I naturally took a second look to see if it was Photoshopped.

It was the real deal.

And I have to ask myself, why is cruelty such a celebrated thing right now? Why have we as a society come to the point where we are worshiping hardcore porn and animal cruelty? But most of all, I have to ask myself who is capable of these acts? My heart is sad, not just for the kitten but for the soul who committed this act. I pray that he sees how monstrous and unnecessary his abuse was, and I hope he’s brought to justice.

In other news, school is back in session. This week was my first week of classes, and it was a busy week indeed. Not only am I still trying to hash out financial aid (I hope I get it, because if not I’m screwed), but all of my classes have already kicked into high gear. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. I’m expecting this semester to be fun, even if I probably won’t be getting much sleep. But hey, who needs sleep?

2006-08-22T10:58:00.000-06:00

Mission Accomplished
Soundtrack: “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by Uncle Tupelo

I'd like to geek out for a minute. One of my favorite games when I was in High School was Command and Conquer. Real time strategy style games are my favorite genre, they offer the chance to get lost in a world and challenge myself with the destruction of an enemy that is, much of the time, unseen. It's a nice challenge. So when I saw the trailer for the new Command and Conquer 3, well, I've been giddy all morning! This is definitely a game I'm going to look forward to playing, and hopefully it will return RTS games to their rightful place at the top of the video game hierarchy. Here's hoping!

2006-08-20T15:08:00.000-06:00

Return Of The Lyrical Jedi
Soundtrack: “Blood Sugar Sex Magic” by Red Hot Chili Peppers

It's an oldie but a goodie.

Plunge

Here we stand
Holding hands
Ready to go over the edge
You grip my hand tight
And ease my fright
We're going to go over that edge

I can feel your strength
And I know you won't let go
Your eyes are reassuring
Telling me all I need to know

Here we plunge
Falling in a lunge
Towards our ultimate goal
Air rushes past my face
As we leave that decrepit place
Your strength is all I need to know

2006-08-17T12:20:00.000-06:00

Talking To Americans
Soundtrack: “Would” by Alice In Chains

Although it is not entirely fair that everyone thinks of all Americans as fat and stupid, a great many of us are. Especially stupid. Well, perhaps not stupid, but ignorant. For example, Canada is one of our closest friends. They are our polite, quiet neighbors to the North. And yet we, the rowdy downstairs party animals, know nothing about them. Case in point: Rick Mercer's “Talking to Americans”. Just watch the clip below to see just how many people have no idea who Brian Mulroney is.

2006-08-16T12:28:00.000-06:00

Doot doo do-do-do...
Soundtrack: "Mah Na Mah Na" from The Muppet Show

I'll bet you never thought Star Wars could be this funny...

2006-08-16T11:21:00.000-06:00

I Am An American
Soundtrack: "Call On My Brothers" by Ignite

I am "unpatriotic" because I believe in a transparent government that adheres to the laws of my nation, and a voting system that isn't operated behind closed doors.

I am "disrespectful" of the office of the presidency because I believe it should be occupied by someone whose policies are aimed at the betterment of my countrymen rather than the sole benefit of his own cronies.

I "don't support the troops" because I believe they shouldn't be placed in harm's way based on lies, nor be under-equipped when sent into combat.

I am "selfish" because I think the interests of my fellow citizens should come before the interests of Big Business, Big Oil and Big Pharma.

I am a "coward" because I don't blindly support military aggression advanced by people who themselves refused to serve in a time of war, or by those who profit from it financially.

I am "unethical" because I believe politicians should debate their opponents on issues, rather than concocting smear campaigns against them personally.

I am "anti-Christian" because I do not accept that people who invariably display un-Christ-like behavior should be called Christians, nor should they, or any other religious group, have influence over my government.

I am "sympathetic to my country's enemies" because I don't support torture, or the killing of innocent civilians.

I am "stubborn" because I insist on thinking for myself, instead of allowing myself to be told what to think.

I am an "intellectual snob", because I seek out the truth, instead of
accepting what I am told without questioning the motives behind it.

I am an "elitist" because I believe in being well-read, well-educated, and well-informed, and do not want my country being governed by those who are clearly none of those things.

I am a "cut-and-run pacifist" because I don't believe that inflaming my alleged enemies' hatred by killing their families and destroying their way of life makes me any safer.

I am a "bleeding-heart" because I believe that diplomacy, rather than killing children, is more likely to lead to peaceful co-existence.

I am "irresponsible" because I believe that those in charge of my government should be held to account when their incompetence and their ulterior motives cause harm to my country.

I am "naïve" because I believe that political corruption should be rooted out instead of being accepted as business-as-usual.

I am an "unyielding skeptic" because I continue to question where millions of taxpayers' dollars have gone when no one is able, nor willing, to explain it.

I am obviously "guilty" of "something" because I refuse to willingly accept being wire-tapped or spied upon.

I am "heartless" when I mourn the loss of my fellow citizens and an entire American city, instead of focusing on the inconveniencing of those who were in a position to assist and ignored their cries for help.

I am "ill-informed" because I do not accept biased media news coverage as being the last word on any topic.

I am "ill-advised" because I want to hear both sides of an issue, and not just the side I am told is the correct side.

I am "stupid" because I don't believe that every Muslim in the world spends their every waking hour thinking about ways to kill me.

I am a "communist" because I believe the wealthy should pay their fair share of taxes instead of placing the entire burden of the national debt on the back of the working middle-class.

I am a "socialist" because I believe that in a country as wealthy as mine, children should not go to bed hungry and people should not die because they cannot afford medical care.

I am "thick-headed" because I question the veracity of things said by people who have been proven to have lied to me over and over, and over again.

I am "godless" because I believe we should respect every person as a child of God, regardless of how they choose to worship Him.

I am a "bigot" because I refuse to hate people on the basis of their income, their color, their ethnicity, or their citizenship.

I am "immoral" because I judge people on the basis of who they are and not on the basis of their sexual orientation.

I am "short-sighted" because I do not foresee that after trillions of dollars spent, tens of thousands of lives lost, and escalating chaos and violence that victory in Iraq is imminent.

I am a "snob" because I do not see the president of my country acting like a clown in public as being charming or funny.

I am an "enemy of the state" because I think both of the major political parties in our nation are led by corrupt bigots who do not care about real issues but instead like to line their pockets with their contributors' money.

2006-08-12T16:27:00.000-06:00

How To Calm A Cat In Heat
Soundtrack: “My Last Serenade”

So, apparently there are people out there who have figured out how to calm a cat that is in heat. It's pretty hilarious. Read at your own risk.

2006-08-11T17:37:00.000-06:00

We Are All Screwed
Soundtrack: "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails

Yep, we're screwed folks, and not in the good way. Yet again our world leaders are going apeshit after uncovering an alleged terror plot. Now nobody is allowed to bring their own bottled water on board a plane. Fuck health and safety, let's just make everyone's lives miserable. Hell, maybe we can eventually stop any travel once and for all and then we'll all be safe! Yay!

Seriously, what the hell is going on? What kind of a world do we live in now? Terrorists are trying to blow shit up the MacGyver way, our world leaders are freaking out every time there's a plot to kill citizens, and every day there is one more move to make it impossible for any human being to enjoy actual freedom. Let's just let George W. become supreme emperor and then we can start conquering everyone who threatens us in any way. We'll start with France.

2006-08-10T14:52:00.000-06:00

Fear No More
Soundtrack: “Self Revolution” by Killswitch Engage

Well folks, the great root canal caper is finally over. I couldn’t be happier, I’m not even sore. But it wasn’t just a day of fixing dental problems, it was a day of fixing something more internal.

I realized today, on my way to the dentist, that I don’t have to be afraid. That I in fact have no reason to be afraid. And so I will not be.

Here's a little background for people who might be confused about this fear thing. For the last 5 years I've been through a series of unfortunate events that have shaken me to the core. Nothing that has been completely life-altering, really, but they have nonetheless affected me. I've found out recently that I am not as resilient as I thought I was. I am good at pretending I’m OK and hiding the inner hurt. I’m good at smiling and saying “It was scary but I handled it well”. And while I did handle these things well on the surface, it was not because I handled things well internally. Quite the opposite, in fact. But I don’t like being a burden or letting people see how I really feel about things. I don't like being vulnerable because when I have been vulnerable in the past I got burned. And it's left me so afraid of failure that half the time I don't even try.

I've realized I don't have to cover up, though. I don't have to look strong or be stoic in times of trial. It’s OK for me to be vulnerable. I’m exremely transparent when it comes to my emotions, which makes all of my fighting to keep people out of my heart ironic.

So I am going to let people in. I'm going to be vulnerable and transparent and let people see what I'm dealing with. I'm done with trying to act tough or together or capable. Because I'm not capable. I'm not good at dealing with my shit. That’s why I surround myself with my friends, so I can forget about the stupid shit and just have a good time. But now there is a new reason to keep myself surrounded by my friends. So they can support me. And I think it is going to be awesome.

Not only that, but I truly believe I have found my place. It’s been known to others for a long time now, but I only realized what it was in the last couple of days. And I’m excited. So what is it, you ask? What is my place? It is truly using the God-given talents I have and giving them back to my Creator. And I couldn’t be happier.

2006-08-09T16:11:00.000-06:00

Celibate Good Times
Soundtrack: “Fixation On The Darkness” by Killswitch Engage.

I am pretty sure I am incapable of making good decisions.

In fact, I am about 99% certain that the only decisions I can make are bad decisions.

And I am beginning to recognize that I’m not only mad at the world, I’m mad at myself. I am mad at the world because it doesn't fit in with my idealistic view of things and I am mad at myself for being so self-destructive. But my self-destructive behavior is great fodder for my art. I am much more inspired and productive when I’m depressed and angry and generally in a foul and sociopathic mood. It just goes to show that misery is the river of the world.

2006-08-03T19:12:00.000-06:00

The Saga Continues
Soundtrack: “Imperial March” by John Williams

Today was my day of reckoning, the day I went to the dentist’s office to get a root canal. And, well, I got half of one. See, the deal is this: when you have an abscessed tooth, that means that the pulp of the tooth are infected. And that means a lot of pus and all sorts of other infected material just sort of stewing in there. That's part of why my mouth freaked out on me last weekend, the infection spread elsewhere. Abscesses are not small potatoes, if you let them go they can wreak havoc with the nervous system and possibly even be life-threatening. So when they cracked my tooth open today, the doctor found that it was still infected enough to prevent him from doing much. So he scooped out some of the rotten crap in the tooth, shoved some cotton down there, and he's going to finish next week to allow the infection to completely clear out. Needless to say, I'm going to be very happy when all of this is over… it's been
an experience, to say the least.

I will leave you with Darth Vader spinning a familiar tune, in a new way…

2006-08-03T09:44:00.000-06:00

Happy Happy Joy Joy
Soundtrack: “Rooster” by Alice In Chains

So, this past weekend was my family reunion, and it was going great except for a mildly annoying tootheache that started on Friday night became progressively worse through Saturday. And the oppressive heat. But it was all good because I got to visit with some relatives I hadn't seen in about 10 years, which was awesome. And then Sunday morning rolls around and I wake up feeling like someone has maliciously, and with much gusto, nailed me in the mouth with an aluminum baseball bat. All sorts of stuff in my mouth is swollen up like a ballon and I'm sore as hell. So on Monday I went to the dentist and got some x-rays. The prognosis? An abcessed tooth the size of Texas. Not fun. So I go in for a root canal in a couple of hours. I can't say I'm excited about the root canal, but I'll be glad when it's all over. I'm hoping I won't have to get too hopped up on drugs once it's all over, but we'll see. My brother broke his collar bone not too long ago and he has some left over somewhere, so if I need it I'll just track it down.

In other news, this past weekend was my family reunion. Despite the oppresive sun that jacked the temperature up and made it nearly unbearable to sit outside, a great time was had by all and I got to catch up with some relatives I hadn't seen in years and years. I was picky about the food I ate due toothache, but I still got to partake of some delicious roasted pig on Saturday. And of course I drank some beer, because what is a Hast Family reunion without beer?