Sarcasm So Thick It Drips From The Walls...
Soundtrack: "Stir It Up" by Bob Marley

It's frustrating to me when people can't seem to get me or accept me for who I am. And I'm in that exact kind of situation right now. It used to be quite a quandry for me. I would spend so much time trying to get people to like me, and for the first half of my life I struggled with who I was and how to relate to people.

And then I grew up. And found the internet.

In middle school I found some friends who accepted me for who I was. I felt comfortable around them, and it was awesome. Before then I usually only had a good friend or two who I was really tight with, and that's hard when you feel like you are unacceptable. But the problem was that I was trying too hard. Sure, there was the fact that I wasn't athletic and that I loved art and "wierd" things, but I didn't make the situation any better. But in eighth grade I learned that if I was just myself, everything would be cool. The next three or so years were awkward as I had to really learn who I really was, but it worked out in the end. By my senior year of High School I was comfortable enough with myself that I didn't have to worry about whether or not someone liked me for who I was. If they didn't I just shrugged and went on my merry way. Granted, the first two years of High School were tough, but I like to think that I've turned out marvelously well-adjusted. Cynical and overly sarcastic, but still well-adjusted.

So this brings me to my current predicament. It's a moral quandry of sorts. It's not like I don't care what people think, I really do. I'd rather have someone be a friend than an enemy, but if they don't have the ability to like me despite who I am, I don't need them. I don't need to be in a situation where I'm constantly having to think about whether I'll offend someone or not. I don't need to be in a situation where I put on a face in front of my friends. Even though my personality is very adaptable (I often find myself taking on the mannerisms and slang and whatnot of which ever group of people I'm hanging out with), it's not a fake personality. I'm blunt, I don't pull punches, but I don't go out of my way to alienate or shock people. If I do, I apologize and make up for it. But right now I'm in a situation where a certain person is attached to one of my roomates. I'm good friends with all of my roomates, and we have a lot of mutual friends. There are rare exceptions, though, and this person I speak of is one of them. I've tried dumbing down my humor a little, and I'm respectful, but I don't think they get it, and it worries me because it's a dating situation. As in my roomate is dating this person.

If it comes down to me trying to be someone else around this person, there's no way that's happening. I am not going to sacrifice myself just because someone doesn't understand me. I don't know how to tell them that, but if it comes down to it I feel like it's something I will have to do.

On the other hand, though, I'm glad there is yet another person who seems to very much understand who I am. Jen is the coolest. It's kinda scary how much we have in common, but in a really cool way. And I feel so comfortable around her, as opposed to awkward and uncomfortable like in some situations. So things are looking up.

No, we're not dating. Stop asking me that! Seriously, though, I just want to have fun. I don't want to feel obligated to do stuff just because she's a girl. If things progress into a long-term relationship, that's cool, but if not, that's cool too because I finally have someone who I can go to shows with that doesn't have a penis. Because sausage fests suck.