Spring Cleaning
Soundtrack: "Black Cloud" by Converge, "Beat Box" by Matisyahu

Hope
I am looking for a change
Turn this pathetic life around
I am striving for the best
But I am falling like the rest

Hope seems so far away
Hope seems so far behind
Off in the distance
I only wish to fly

It’s so cold in here
So I run to the heat
I embrace the change
And these wings lift me high

I used to hate the rain
Turn it around again
Dance in the downpour
Loving and drinking

The love

I used to be complacent
Now I’ve turned it around
Dancing in the Love
Dancing in the Hope

The love


Today is the first day I am free from what is known as Spring Semester 2006. It was the most hardcore and tough 15 weeks of my life, and I loved it. I don't even know if I passed all of my classes, that's how difficult the semester was. But I would not trade it for anything. My personal growth through this time has been amazing. I've also met some amazing people who are really shaping my life right now.

The thing I'm most excited about right now is how far my design abilities have come. I did a professional-level album cover design in a week... how amazingly cool is that?! It leaves me excited and pumped. For the last month I have been swearing up and down that as soon as the semester is over I'm taking off this summer and being free. But as soon as I arrived at Leela to celebrate the end of the semester, I immediately began to miss it.

So I will be back, Community College of Denver Graphic Design program. I will have a much smaller workload, sure. Two classes, just enough that I can get financial aid to pay for everything, but I will be back.

I want to talk a little bit about the poem/song I posted just now. "Hope" was written about 5 years ago, but the wonderful thing about that song is that it is still relevant today. Although I don't think of my life as pathetic at this point, I do feel an urge to make my life better. But not through my own volition or will, but through spiritual strengthening. There's only so much we can do as human beings. We are limited by our own inadequacies and mistakes and failures. Trading all of that in and trusting your life to a God that you aren't even positive exists is a huge step. It's a hard step. But I don't regret doing it. It's been humbling and empowering at the same time, and I love it.

I have high hopes for this summer. I'm going to work on some of my bad habits (such as cursing like a sailor), try to get a job that I won't want to quit in two weeks, and just enjoy life. As Mark Renton says in "Trainspotting", "I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die."