Midlife Crisis?
Soundtrack: “Rock And Roll Suicide” by David Bowie, “Midlife Crisis” by Faith No More

I may be having a premature midlife crisis. They have a name for them, I just don't remember what it is.

Simply put, I'm not sure who I am or where I should be going. And it's a little annoying.

For my whole life I've struggled with my identity and trying to be accepted. I got over the acceptance thing by the end of my Junior year of High School. But I don't know if I've ever really known who I was.

I think the biggest problem with this is that since I don't know who I am I don't know how to relate with others. But I don't have an identity crisis, necessarily. So maybe I do know who I am, but I just won't admit it. It's entirely possible that I'm not happy with who I am, thus the confusion.

I definitely don't like where my life is right now, but I don't know what to do about it. I'm so wrapped up in trying to do so many different things right now. I'll try to buckle down and prioritize and I end up getting dragged back into everything again. I have so many interests, and I know many people who have a lot of interests, but for some reason I have a hard time balancing everything. I think it's my right-brainedness. I'm terrible at organization, even though I have all sorts of OCD tendencies.

At any rate, it's something of a perplexity for me. I have tried to take control of my life and so far it hasn't happened, and I'm worried about how this bodes for my future. I don't want to have to rely on someone else to help me take care of important matters, and I don't know if there is anyone out there who is willing to do that for me. So, I am just going to have to try harder. Hopefully one day I will prevail.