Sorry, Christopher Is Not Home Right Now
Soundtrack: “Are You With Me” by Vaux

A few years ago my therapist told me that having a lot in common with a pretty girl is not grounds for being in love. He also told me that he thought my fascination with death was unhealthy.

I thought he was a quack. He's not my therapist any more.

But I think I see where he was going with the love thing. And it has me thinking, "Well, what is grounds for love, then?"

It's a thought that runs through my head more and more each day. And then my lovely mother sent me an email the other day that said “Christopher, you are closer to 30 now than you are 20.” Thanks mom. Thanks for one more added pressure that is the boiling kettle of my life.

I don't deal with pressure well. In fact, I just shut down. It's been happening my whole life, and I think I have finally determined why.

I just want to be normal.

“But silly Christopher, nobody is normal. Everyone is a unique flower!”

Bullshit.

I was made superior to some people. It's a fact of life. I was made to do things that other people cannot do. It's not egotistical, it is the truth. There are some people who can do things I cannot do. Such as rocket scientists and politicians. But they cannot see things the way I do. And it is a little scary.

Because I don't know if I will ever find a special lady friend that lives up to my standards.

As of late I have stopped caring about a great deal. I've decided to stop worrying, and it's working. Maybe a little too well. I don't want to have to deal with pressure any more. I don't want to have to deal with people telling me “Gee Chris, you are the best designer in the class!” I can't even turn my fucking homework in on time. I have tried. And I fail every time.

Maybe I am destined to be the failure in this life, overwhelming success in the next. Van Gogh is fucking rich and he's dead. So is Picasso. And Kurt Cobain.