Just Press Play Pt. II

Soundtrack: “Stand And Feel Your Worth” by Thrice

So, I started to reply to the Saint's comment on yesterday's blog, but it started turning into a novel and so I have for you part two that is the saga of Toph trying to find some ambition in his life. The Saint has this to say: “Toph, you piss me off because I know you could be hugely successful if you just put your mind to it. I mean, God did not go short on you when it came to talent. But why don't you ever use it, man?” And he is 100% right.

It is also something I have been hearing my whole life, and it has never sunk in. I used to shut down, in fact, as though it was some kind of enormous pressure on me to be Albert Einstein or something. But last Thursday I attended the opening of the Community College of Denver Student Art Show and I was blown away because here were all these people my age having their art judged by professionals and getting scholarships. I never used to care much about awards, they are nice but to me they were either just pretty pieces of paper or pretty pieces of paper that I can spend on whatever trivial things I felt like spending it on that week.

But the student art show was different. Because everyone was asking me “Toph, where is your stuff? You should have entered!’ and it actually meant something. And I have realized in the last week that I am completely selling myself short.

And so now I stand at a crossroad in my life. Comments like the one Saint made used to make me shut down when I was a kid because I would want nothing to do with any of that “stuff”. I didn't want to be successful, I just wanted to fit in. And then in middle school and high school I discovered music and all I wanted to do was become a rock star like Kurt Cobain. Minus the shooting myself in the head part because if I'm dead how do I enjoy my vast wealth? I have always been a dreamer. And I have always had dreams of being successful, but they are dreams of me 5 or 10 or 20 years down the road. Yoda could have been talking about me when he spoke of Obi Wan to Luke in The Empire Strikes Back. “All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph.”

So now I look to success today. If I keep the wheel to the right, towards the future, I will eventually crash into something. If I keep it to the left, to the past, I will again crash. But if I keep it straight, turning it occasionally when it is necessary, I will be able to get to my ultimate goal. There may be bumps in the road, but if I keep my eyes on the road ahead I'll be fine.