Love And Marriage

Recommended Reading: Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk

So two really good friends of mine from high school got married yesterday. Of course every time someone close to me ties the knot, especially two of 'em, I naturally get thinking about relationships and love and all that good stuff. It's a bit of a quandry, marriage. Here is something that has evolved from something very personal and spiritual into something that Western society has made into a circus. Just read the tabloids or watch “Entertainment Tonight” and you can find out all the juicy details about the latest celebrity marriage and six months later use the same channels to get dirt on that couple’s divorce. It never fails. In fact, I am surprised when I hear about a celebrity marriage that lasts longer than two years.

I used to think that marriage is something that I'd like to do some day. But there are many days where I find myself saying "Marriage? Fuck that noise." I do not want my life to be a circus. I think having a kid would be awesome, kids are great and I like playing “Uncle Toph” but parenting is just not my thing right now. Not only that, but then there is the whole committing my life to another person thing. It's a little worrisome to me when I think about waking up next to the same person for the rest of my life. Probably 'cause I haven't found someone I'd want to wake up next to every day for the rest of my life. I really want to marry my best friend and as of right now, I have not found that woman yet.

In addition to that I have other responsibilities, better things to worry about/stress out over/have fun with. Like art school. That does not mean I have given up hope, however. I am sure it is in the cards. I am sure when my life has some sort of stability I will find Mrs. Christopher Short. But until then, fuck that noise. I like being independent, I like being single, and I really think I need to get my shit together before I even think about wedding cakes and tuxedos.

Ah, L’Amour...

Soundtrack: “Autumn Cannibalist” by Die Manequin

Let’s talk about romance. Real romance.

People in our wonderful little American culture have a seriously skewed view of what romance is. Most American men think romance is being old-fashioned and doing “cute” things to make a woman think you care about her. And women... the average American woman’s view of romance is so varied that it's no wonder we men are left dazed and confused.

Here what I believe the true definition of what true romance is: it is demonstrating to the other person in a relationship that this relationship you are is meaningful. Which means that there is no right way to be romantic, but plenty of wrong ways.

One thing that many people seem to be confused about is the fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to our senses. Sexually speaking, men are turned on by sight and women are turned on more by touch. That doesn't mean there are exceptions or other variables involved, just that in general the sexes work that way. Back to romance, men are almost right on the “cute” things. Not so much cute, though, as little things that demonstrate how you care about a girl. You do care about her, right? Right?

The thing that I think is killing romance is that everyone wants to be single and have fun. That doesn’t work. Oh sure, it may work for a little while, but the second you see a girl walking around with another guy, you get jealous. Unless she’s a prostitute, but we won't get into that. Romance is supposed to work in a sense of being in a deeper relationship. A relationship that will lead to a life-long union, whatever that may be. Traditionally it is marriage, but some people never officially tie the knot and end up being “life partners” or whatever.

I am willing to bet you are asking “so if romance is doing something that shows I care about a woman, how do I know what to do?” That's the hard part. That is where you, mister, need to find out how you can properly demonstrate this. And that is called commitment. Oh yes, the dreaded “c-word”. Please don't ask me how commitment works, though. I seem to be attracted to women who are deathly afraid of commitment in any shape. Ah, woe is me.