Gentlemen, Start Your HTML...
Soundtrack: “Metal” by Nine Inch Nails, “This Fire Burns” by Killswitch Engage, “Wither/Ascend” by Stavesacre

Ladies and Germs, it's time for another installment of “Your Design Sucks!” This week we're examining the web site of web usability guru Jakob Nielsen. Mister Nielsen feels like he's the foremost authority in the field of usability on the web. I think he's just an asshat, but that's me. According to him, the ideal usability system is composed of:

• Learnability (e.g. intuitive navigation)
• Efficiency of use
• Memorability
• Few and noncatastrophic errors
• Subjective satisfaction

Usability considerations are all fine and dandy, but design is not just about usability. In order for there to be learnability and efficiency of use, a good web site, or any design in general must have a well-laid-out grid system to help direct the eye and make it easy to navigate the design. Let's start with his grid. As in the one that is nonexistent. Two colums of tables... apparently Jakob doesn't know that tables are practically obsolete now that we have the wonder of CSS. Thankfully he's not using them the wrong way or nesting or any of that nonsense.Let's talk about color, shall we? Jakob Nielsen is apparently of the school that proclaims that color scheme doesn't mean jack squat. Boy is he ever wrong. The colors on the site aren't garish, but they aren't pleasing. He doesn't adhere to any sort of color theory. The least he could do is give us some subtle complimentary color interplay. Take an art class, Jakob.

Finally, I'd like to once again point out how horrible of a typeface Verdana is. It's a typeface that is sort of in the closet, but everyone can tell how sucky it is. It's a walking identity crisis, too... it's not quite sure if it's a block serif or a sans serif. Poor, poor Verdana. Someone should shoot it and just put it out of it's misery. Although I hate to condone the use of Arial, Jakob's minimalist attempt would be much better if he used a smaller point size and a true sans serif typeface such as Helvetica or Arial. If you want to go minimal, make sure your typeface matches. Especially in the size department... we don't need to see the site from across the room, dude. Make it smaller, and try to do something fun with the title. Please. For the children.

I'm going to try to do this column more often, like once every two weeks or something along those lines. If anyone has a garish or poorly designed site they'd like to pass along for me to rip to shreds and make fun of, please feel free. I think the next one I'm going to do is MySpace. Oh, I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.