The Trouble With Being Me
Soundtrack: "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" by U2

When I was a kid I had a hard time being myself around other people, people who were not my family or close friends. It was a result of not being understood, or at least feeling as though I was not understood. I still have a hard time understanding myself, and people still have a hard time understanding me, but after High School I have found it very easy to be myself. However, I still have a hard time with how other people perceive me... it's some of that left over self-consciousness from the days of my youth. Because I know I am in no way ordinary, I sometimes find myself struggling with the thought "How do I relate?"

It's a tough question.

What is even more tough, however, is how to deal with people who don't seem capable of understanding me. Frankly, I'm sick of explaining myself and trying to be nice. But the most frustrating thing of all are my attempts to understand how people might perceive me. Little surveys and quizzes that I already know the answer to, but I still think they might give people insight into my life. And then I realize the next day that they never really do. Thankfully there is always the option to not deal with that kind of crap, and so I have decided I'm not going to. I guess people are going to have to just figure me out for themselves... which is the way I'd prefer it to be!

It should be mentioned that earlier today I changed my "status" on MySpace to "In A Relationship". If you want to be technical, I am not in a dating relationship. But I'm in plenty of great relationships with friends. And I thought it would be incredibly clever to see if anyone mentions anything... I'm sure people will be scratching their heads, we'll see how long it takes for someone to ask me who I'm in a relationship. I have all sorts of witty responses I have already thought up in response. Heh heh.