Soundtrack: "No Excuses" by Alice In Chains
So, I have an internship. The one thing I have been super stressing out about and I finally had one fall into my lap. I will be working with Scholar's Network doing mostly print and some web design. I can't quite put into words how excited I am... we'll just say "very".
2006 will be ending in a few days and I cannot be happier. It was a terrible year in which bad situations only became worse globally and more locally, I returned to an annoying pattern of mild self-destruction. At least I'm not a drug addict or homeless. Or both. I only have one resolution for this upcoming New Year's, and that is this: I will not set myself up for disappointment or defeat. That's the only one I'm making this year.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Bah. Humbug.
Soundrack: As Daylight Dies by Killswitch Engage.
I hope everyone had a great Chanukah. I did. And I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I'm not even going to mention Kwanzaa because it is totally a make-believe holiday and only white schoolteacher celebrate it. That's right... black people do not celebrate that stupid, creepy holiday. They know better.
I'm writing this from my dad's office at my parents' house in Monte Vista, Colorado. If you don't know where that is, learn some fucking geography, newb. You heard me. It's going to be a white Christmas here in Colorado (most of Colorado, at least), and I couldn't be happier about that. I'm pretty happy right now because my Denver Broncos are winning against the Cincinatti Bengals. Hopefully they don't screw it up... our playoff chances depend on it.
On the subject of Christmas, have I mentioned how much I hate this time of year? If not, I do. I don't want to be a Grinch or anything, but I think it is completely too much. It's overdone on every front, especially commercially. Think about it for a few seconds... what is the first thing that happens as soon as you finish Thanksgiving dinner and wake up after falling asleep during whatever boring football game is on? The Christmas season kicks into full gear. Sometimes retailers don't even wait until Thanksgiving and they get a head start as soon as Halloween is over.
It's ridiculous.
I don't want to hear Christmas songs 24/7 for a whole fucking month. I don't want to have to be reminded of hour the average consumer spends $907 on the holidays alone. I don't want to be reminded of how a holy man named Saint Nicholas has been turned into a sad caricature of consumerism. I don't want to be reminded of how people don't even know how to fucking spell Christmas... so far this year, I've seen X-mas and even X-mass far more than I've seen the real spelling. And I certainly don't want to be reminded of how inconsiderate and closed-minded assholes are trying to make the idea of Christmas illegal. Oh, sure, it's OK to celebrate Kwanzaa, but no Christmas. Does anyone even know what Kwanzaa is? I didn't think so. I do. It's a fake holiday. It was founded by some guy in California in 1967 as an "alternative" to Christmas. Nice.
As I said before, I don't want to sound like a Grinch. All I have been doing is bitching, but I have good reason. Most people don't see Christmas for what it is. It's a gift. If you believe in Christ as your divine Savior, it is a gift from God to His people. Who are his people? Everyone. And I think everyone can get something out of Christmas. It is about giving and sacrifice and upholding promises. It is a time to be surrounded with loved ones. Unless you are unconditionally selfish, Christmas is a holidy for you. And to work so hard to cheapen it, to remove Christmas greetings because they are "biased religious blessings" is bullshit.
I'm tired of caring, though. I'm through caring, actually. I am not going to do it any more. I am going to spend time with my family, I am going to give to the people I love, and I am going to remember a Promise given to me. If it offends you, I have a couple of other words:
FUCK YOU.
And to all of you who celebrate what Christmas is about regardless of race, creed, gender, or religion... THANK YOU.
I hope everyone had a great Chanukah. I did. And I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I'm not even going to mention Kwanzaa because it is totally a make-believe holiday and only white schoolteacher celebrate it. That's right... black people do not celebrate that stupid, creepy holiday. They know better.
I'm writing this from my dad's office at my parents' house in Monte Vista, Colorado. If you don't know where that is, learn some fucking geography, newb. You heard me. It's going to be a white Christmas here in Colorado (most of Colorado, at least), and I couldn't be happier about that. I'm pretty happy right now because my Denver Broncos are winning against the Cincinatti Bengals. Hopefully they don't screw it up... our playoff chances depend on it.
On the subject of Christmas, have I mentioned how much I hate this time of year? If not, I do. I don't want to be a Grinch or anything, but I think it is completely too much. It's overdone on every front, especially commercially. Think about it for a few seconds... what is the first thing that happens as soon as you finish Thanksgiving dinner and wake up after falling asleep during whatever boring football game is on? The Christmas season kicks into full gear. Sometimes retailers don't even wait until Thanksgiving and they get a head start as soon as Halloween is over.
It's ridiculous.
I don't want to hear Christmas songs 24/7 for a whole fucking month. I don't want to have to be reminded of hour the average consumer spends $907 on the holidays alone. I don't want to be reminded of how a holy man named Saint Nicholas has been turned into a sad caricature of consumerism. I don't want to be reminded of how people don't even know how to fucking spell Christmas... so far this year, I've seen X-mas and even X-mass far more than I've seen the real spelling. And I certainly don't want to be reminded of how inconsiderate and closed-minded assholes are trying to make the idea of Christmas illegal. Oh, sure, it's OK to celebrate Kwanzaa, but no Christmas. Does anyone even know what Kwanzaa is? I didn't think so. I do. It's a fake holiday. It was founded by some guy in California in 1967 as an "alternative" to Christmas. Nice.
As I said before, I don't want to sound like a Grinch. All I have been doing is bitching, but I have good reason. Most people don't see Christmas for what it is. It's a gift. If you believe in Christ as your divine Savior, it is a gift from God to His people. Who are his people? Everyone. And I think everyone can get something out of Christmas. It is about giving and sacrifice and upholding promises. It is a time to be surrounded with loved ones. Unless you are unconditionally selfish, Christmas is a holidy for you. And to work so hard to cheapen it, to remove Christmas greetings because they are "biased religious blessings" is bullshit.
I'm tired of caring, though. I'm through caring, actually. I am not going to do it any more. I am going to spend time with my family, I am going to give to the people I love, and I am going to remember a Promise given to me. If it offends you, I have a couple of other words:
FUCK YOU.
And to all of you who celebrate what Christmas is about regardless of race, creed, gender, or religion... THANK YOU.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Blah.
Soundtrack: “We Do Not F*ck Around” by Viva Voce
Inspiration has been very dry lately. It's because of the war in my mind, although things have settled down. But last week was pretty bad. Especially the weekend. I don't want to go into things, because I am still pretty fucked up over it, but I came to some conclusions that rocked my little world. They are conclusions that I am not certain art true, conclusions that I don't know if I believe, but things have been hard.
So here's a poem that should sum things up nicely. Please don't take it literally because this kind of thing just does not work that way.
Vida
Mother, your boy is losing faith in eternity
And father, your son is son is at the end of his rope
Lover, your beloved searches concrete jungles for you
Please brother, I'm not sure how much more you can take
The center of the universe is deep within my heart
But my heart is black without the sun
I need someone to light the path that lies beneath my feet
Because it's hard to see in the dark
Mother, please try to let your little one go
And father, your son is all grown up now
Lover, be kind to the one who is young at heart
And brother, always be good to your friends
Because they need you now, even more than you might ever know
Their hearts are quiet and dark
There's an empty house behind those eyes that beg to be filled
With love taken straight from the sun
Inspiration has been very dry lately. It's because of the war in my mind, although things have settled down. But last week was pretty bad. Especially the weekend. I don't want to go into things, because I am still pretty fucked up over it, but I came to some conclusions that rocked my little world. They are conclusions that I am not certain art true, conclusions that I don't know if I believe, but things have been hard.
So here's a poem that should sum things up nicely. Please don't take it literally because this kind of thing just does not work that way.
Vida
Mother, your boy is losing faith in eternity
And father, your son is son is at the end of his rope
Lover, your beloved searches concrete jungles for you
Please brother, I'm not sure how much more you can take
The center of the universe is deep within my heart
But my heart is black without the sun
I need someone to light the path that lies beneath my feet
Because it's hard to see in the dark
Mother, please try to let your little one go
And father, your son is all grown up now
Lover, be kind to the one who is young at heart
And brother, always be good to your friends
Because they need you now, even more than you might ever know
Their hearts are quiet and dark
There's an empty house behind those eyes that beg to be filled
With love taken straight from the sun
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Fuck Death
Soundtrack: “It's All Over Now, Baby Blue” by Bob Dylan
Yeah, that's right, fuck it. Fuck this thing that takes loved ones' lives and leaves us sad and yearning. I'm sick of losing people in my life, and it is only going to get worse. We are all powerless against it.
Death is a sneaky one. He comes quietly in the night some times, like a thief. Avoiding direct confrontation, just taking a person without a word. At other times he shows up early and prolongs the fact. He makes it as miserable for a person as possible, just to inject pain into the lives of those who love his victim. And every once in a while he takes someone in a blaze of glory. I used to think I wanted this last type of death, something along the lines of being electrocuted while on stage playing in front of a crowd of thousands in some huge arena. But these days I have the thought “I don't want to die alone.” I want to be surrounded by loved ones.
I am not afraid of him, though. I am not afraid to die. And I would sacrifice my life for those I love. How does that proverb go... Greater love hath no man that he lay down his life fore his friends, I think. And it is true.
Many people say that when we die we go somewhere better. That may be true, but that doesn't make it suck any less. Because it means I am just some soul, and while I am sure I'll be happier and far less angsty, it means I will be disembodied. And who wants to be a soul with no body?
Yeah, that's right, fuck it. Fuck this thing that takes loved ones' lives and leaves us sad and yearning. I'm sick of losing people in my life, and it is only going to get worse. We are all powerless against it.
Death is a sneaky one. He comes quietly in the night some times, like a thief. Avoiding direct confrontation, just taking a person without a word. At other times he shows up early and prolongs the fact. He makes it as miserable for a person as possible, just to inject pain into the lives of those who love his victim. And every once in a while he takes someone in a blaze of glory. I used to think I wanted this last type of death, something along the lines of being electrocuted while on stage playing in front of a crowd of thousands in some huge arena. But these days I have the thought “I don't want to die alone.” I want to be surrounded by loved ones.
I am not afraid of him, though. I am not afraid to die. And I would sacrifice my life for those I love. How does that proverb go... Greater love hath no man that he lay down his life fore his friends, I think. And it is true.
Many people say that when we die we go somewhere better. That may be true, but that doesn't make it suck any less. Because it means I am just some soul, and while I am sure I'll be happier and far less angsty, it means I will be disembodied. And who wants to be a soul with no body?
Friday, December 08, 2006
These Times Try Men's Souls
Soundtrack: “Bayonetwork” by Norma Jean
I'm really tired of putting up with all of the bullshit in my life. See, last night my housemate Benjamin got drunk and threatened Scott with a pair of knives because he finally got sick of Scott's shit. Scott has this pathetic and annoying habit of welcoming himself onto people's couches. I was getting sick of him sitting around all day too, but you don't pull a fucking knife on someone.
Not only that, but it's been a completely emotionally draining semester. Kyle is having a rough time after having to break off a long-running relationship. And it's been tough for me because he's my friend and I believe in investing myself in Kyle. He's also a business partner and a fellow Christian. All of the heartbreak he is going through has reminded me why I hate relationships, and it makes me wonder why I really wanted one this past summer.
Of course it doesn't help that before all of this erupted, Rhi called me and asked me to run away to Greece with her.
And I'm going to do it.
Because I'm tired of the bullshit.
But I kinda need a job first.
I'm really tired of putting up with all of the bullshit in my life. See, last night my housemate Benjamin got drunk and threatened Scott with a pair of knives because he finally got sick of Scott's shit. Scott has this pathetic and annoying habit of welcoming himself onto people's couches. I was getting sick of him sitting around all day too, but you don't pull a fucking knife on someone.
Not only that, but it's been a completely emotionally draining semester. Kyle is having a rough time after having to break off a long-running relationship. And it's been tough for me because he's my friend and I believe in investing myself in Kyle. He's also a business partner and a fellow Christian. All of the heartbreak he is going through has reminded me why I hate relationships, and it makes me wonder why I really wanted one this past summer.
Of course it doesn't help that before all of this erupted, Rhi called me and asked me to run away to Greece with her.
And I'm going to do it.
Because I'm tired of the bullshit.
But I kinda need a job first.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Goodbye Autumn
Soundtrack: “Memorabilia” by Nine Inch Nails
I apologize for the prolonged absence. I have been pretty busy with school and trying to find a job so everything else has taken a back seat. The semester is over as of today, however, so I'll be back at it for your reading pleasure. But for now, here's a poem.
Wanderlust
Restless she paces as she
Forgets social graces and
She wanders
And she wonders
What are you waiting for
As though you lust for more
As you wonder
You wander
But I know
Where this road will take me
Though I have not yet traveled it
And seeking
To stop this restless heart
That is constantly wandering
To you
To you
I let my wanderlust
Go wherever it must
She wanders
I wander
I apologize for the prolonged absence. I have been pretty busy with school and trying to find a job so everything else has taken a back seat. The semester is over as of today, however, so I'll be back at it for your reading pleasure. But for now, here's a poem.
Wanderlust
Restless she paces as she
Forgets social graces and
She wanders
And she wonders
What are you waiting for
As though you lust for more
As you wonder
You wander
But I know
Where this road will take me
Though I have not yet traveled it
And seeking
To stop this restless heart
That is constantly wandering
To you
To you
I let my wanderlust
Go wherever it must
She wanders
I wander
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
