Everything Matters
Soundtrack: “Holy Diver” by Killswitch Engage

If there was any doubt that The Big Lebowski has a lot of F-bombs, this should quickly kill any such doubt so dead it cries for it's momma. Yep, it's the f***ing short version of The Big Lebowski. I would skip it if you don't like the F-bombs.

On a serious note, someone who is a wiser person than I recently said "… everything matters, it's just how much it matters to you." And it's so true. I'm finding that lately my relationships with the people that I know and love are the most important thing ever. And I have had so many friends through the years that trying to keep up with them all can be exhausting. When Joe found out on Monday that his grandfather, who isn't much older than my grandparents, has terminal cancer, my head reeled with thoughts of mortality. Not my own as I said previously, but of my friends and family. I don't know how to deal with death. I don't openly weep because when I hear that someone who I am very familiar with has died, it leaves such a void in my heart that I sometimes can't function. I just sit there in shock, looking like a fish out of water gasping for breath.

I've also been finding myself feeling increasingly sentimental in the last year and a half. I seek out old friends that I knew years ago in the hope that I can maybe renew some ties that time has broken down. And I'm not sure where it comes from. Maybe I'm just becoming a big softy. But what I cannot deny is that friends matter. More than I may even know.