Memories Are Like Our Favorite Old Movies
Soundtrack: "Fitter, Happier" by Radiohead

It's been a wild week so far. Things keep popping up that are making it very easy for me to continue chasing after my wild dream of never having another job ever again. It's appealing, to say the least. I've thought about writing professionally. I seem to have a knack for it, so why not get paid? I might not be able to write as many stupid "emo" poems, but that's probably a good thing. Speaking of "emo" poems, here's another one.

Untitled 11
Her memory is tearing my world apart
But I dont' want to put it back together
The one thing I want most in this world
Is to wrap my arms around her
These chains that bind my sould
Aren't getting any lighter
But the only thing I can do is try to
Shrug them off so I can run after yesterday

Good Humor
Soundtrack: Educated Horses by Rob Zombie

During my senior year of high school we studied classic English literature, from Beowulf to Shakespeare. But we didn't just study the works themselves, we studied the whole circumstances surrounding them including the culture. In the Medieval world they studied what are known as the bodily humors. It was an early attempt at medicine but it still worked in a general sort of way. There are four humors, represented by colors that coresponded to whatever ailment the patient is suffering. So, black represented a Melancholic temperament, red a Sanguine temperament, green a Phlegmatic temperament, and yellow a Choleric temperament.

Over the years the bodily humors were modified to apply to more of a psychological meaning. Sanguine represents an outgoing and passionate personality, equatable to red or blood, the essence of life. They're usually the fun-loving party people. Choleric represents charismatic qualities often found in leaders, and is represented by gold or fire, which matches their fiery tempers. Next is Phlegmatic, represented by green or earth. Phlegmatics are generally self-content and kind, they can also be shy. They are down-to-earth people, thus the earth representation.

I'm what you call a Melancholic. I'm introspective and reflective. I think about everything and anything. At my core I'm a soft-hearted daydreamer who longs for my ideal life. I love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic. Which is totally true.

Here's what else the people who came up with this stuff have to say about me:
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

Yeah, I think that's pretty representative of the Toph, wouldn't you say? I think it's time for me to go off and sulk some more.

Motivation
Soundtrack: "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by The Smashing Pumpkins

Please, someone give me a job. I don't want to sit here anymore.

Hoplite
He breathes deeply and walks through the door
He's been standing there forever
He doesn't want to fight this war
He's been fighting it forever
Bayonet lowered he charges forward
Shards transforming never
Flags flying low and banners flow
Diving deep into the nether

I'm hiding my heart in plain view
I'm raising my fist but not for you
I'm all alone but not the only one
I'm crawling towards the sun

He's told "keep waiting, you'll get yours soon"
He's been waiting here forever
He doesn't want to wait anymore
He doesn't want to surrender
He picks up his sword and leads the charge
Pounding forward toward forever
Explosions rock his unsteady world
Diving deep into the nether

My heart is just the same
My head is lowered in shame
I'm not alone but I'm the only one
I'm crawling towards the sun

I Don't Ask For Much
Soundtrack: "Tales Of A Scorched Earth" by The Smashing Pumpkins

I don't ask for much, really. Just a nice young lady who enjoys hardcore, walks in the rain, Mustangs, and sad movies.

So why is it that now that I've found this girl, she just wants to be friends?

Just grumbling. Don't mind me.

Can I Have My Day Back, Please?
Soundtrack: "Same Ol' Road" by Dredg

My day sucked. I don't even want to talk about it. We'll just leave it at "it sucked". So I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to make up for all of the lost time today. It is going to rock. Seriously, I love Mondays. Especially ones that are national holidays.

Wolf In Sheep's Clothing
I am a wolf in sheep's clothing
I am a serpent and I am a dove
I will make you strong
I will make you cry
But I am nothing of what I need to be.

I am an accident waiting to happen
I am a ticking time bomb
I am a sinner and I am a saint
I will make your day
I will make life hell
And I am right outside your door.

Where Do I Start?
Soundtrack: "Acrobat" by U2

Seriously, I'm still trying to comprehend everything that happened during the last 8 hours. Let's start with this: Saturdays are supposed to be Poker nights around here. Didn't happen. Instead, the Felixes and Whitney came over and we played Settlers of Catan (German game of the year in 1995) until the wee hours of the morning. Many "wood" jokes were made, and it was decided that Whitney and I both need to get laid. Where that will go, I dunno. Anyway, a good time was had by all. But it put into serious question some of the mechanics of "the group". Especially when it comes to Hunter's main squeeze. Let's just say that her future within our little posse is questionable. And I discovered that I'm much more open to suggestion than I thought I was. Let's hope it doesn't become my downfall.

Presenting Taylor Hicks, Your Next President Of The United States
Soundtrack: "Suffocating Under The Words Of Sorrow (What Can I Do)" by Bullet For My Valentine

This bothers me. A lot.

By the way, I feel much better today. Last night was rough. Very rough.

Crawling Towards The Sun...
Soundtrack: "The Canyon Behind Her" by Dredg, "Acrobat" by U2

I'm scared. I'm scared and helpless and emotionally at my end. For the last week I haven't been able to get up earlier than around 11:00 am or so, and I don't know why. I think it probably has to do with how I've been sleeping, not how much I've been sleeping. I haven't been able to remember any of my dreams, which usually throws up a red flag in my mind because I usually remember at least one dream on any given day of the week. I've also woken up and really weird points throughout the night/morning. Anyway. Thoughts and prayers would be nice. 'Cause I'm finding it really incredibly difficult to deal with life right now, and there's not really anything difficult happening. Well, other than what I was just talking about. Oh, and also my brain won't shut up, which is really hard on me. I mean, look at the time... 4 in the freakin' morning.

But yeah. Last time this stuff started happening I had a nice little breakdown and became very depressed for a few months, and that's not my favorite thing to have to deal with. So prayers, please. Yeah.

Burn It Down And Walk Away
Soundtrack: "Five Year Winter" by Zao

It's recently occured to me that I don't have to stay in Colorado in order to pursue my design degree. I've thought about moving elsewhere, like Seattle or even somewhere back East. It doesn't matter where I am... what matters is that I am able to fully leave my previously complacent and lackadaisical attitude. So, if anyone knows of a good design program somewhere other than Colorado, and you think it's worth me moving somewhere else, let me know. I don't know if I'll go do it or not, but I'll at least consider it. Who knows, I may be sticking around Colorado after all.

I'm always enchanted to see what the professionals can do with Photoshop. Like in these fine examples. Don't get freaked out by the fact that the site's in Russian, you're just lookin' at the pretty pictures.

I'm Gonna Be Honest With Ya...
Soundtrack: "The Tourist" by Radiohead

Right. So I've had some to drink. Specifically, some nasty cheapo blended Scotch and some Bushmills. So I could write something, but it would most likely be something that would make a porn star blush in shame. Which is why I call this "My Mind Is Dangerous". It's too bad you can't see my keystrokes because my spelling errors are atrocious.

Anyway, in lieu of writing a poem, I'm going to post one of my friends' poems. Because he rocks. And this poem is about a subject close to my heart. This toast is to you, J.P.

i am drunk, reciting poems in the air.

the alochol is deep in my bloodstream,
fighting the tactful cells still lodged in my tongue!

they say, "keep spouting your heart, dear drunk one,
let your lungs empty with the razors you intend to throw at the world!"

i pause, instead finding myselfishself reading my own poetry,
sipping the last of the Jager from a freezer-chilled bottle; and I pause and think of you.

this is the last poem, i quietly think, in which I can think of you out loud,
your beautiful legs sliding over the verses, your tongue licking the metaphors.

but sweet God, your mouth!, the sweetness you held within, glowing like
so much of a sun, bleeding all the shadows around my heart dead and still.

i retire, back into my bed, comforted by the silence that 2 a.m. affords,
still dreaming of your laugh, your lips, your tongue, your taste;

and the future that I pray so tirelessly for.

There Is Nothing Easy About This...
Soundtrack: "Not Dark Yet" by Bob Dylan

Not quite a year ago I decided I didn't like my life and I didn't like who I was. And I decided to change.

Needless to say, it's been hard.

There are still things that I don't like, stupid habits that make my teeth grind with frustration. But they are slowly fading away. And I've found a voice, my true voice in fact. I feel like I'm not good at speech. When I hear myself speak I hear myself stumble over my words and every now and then stutter. Which is ironic considering I'm pretty good at public speaking, and if I have time to think over my words and form a cohesive thought, things are all good. So to be able to do this, to constructively put my thoughts down in a somewhat eloquent way, well, I'm thrilled to pieces.

I'm also trying to be more patient. And it seems the more patient I am, the less I have to wait for things. I almost cried with joy this morning when I realized how many freelance design projects are falling into my lap. I don't care about the money, although I do have to pay bills. Every single project I do is experience, and that is what I'm interested in. And it's wonderful. Even the bad experiences are great, because they are opportunities to learn.

One thing is certain. I think this year is going to be good. Last year was hard on me, and the past semester wasn't easy, either. But I think that this is going to be my summer and ultimately my year. I can't wait.

Internships Are Quite Delicious
Soundtrack: "Idioteque" by Radiohead

I have come to the conclusion that the next step for my life is to find an internship. My job situation isn't changing which means it's not getting better which means no progress, and I'm really not down with that. So internship it is. I have some options, thankfully, so I'm going to be working my ass off for the next few weeks trying to obtain one of these lovely little monsters.

Of course, if any of you out there in internet land know of any art or design internships available, feel free to let me know. I'd really appreciate it!

Good Company
Erase this
But don't erase me
Keep me here
Gleaming silver salt shaker
Empty ash tray
And plenty of conversation
With myself
'Cause I keep good company

Place this
Where it belongs
Keep me away
Where the circular lights float
They illuminate my pencil
And my paper
I sit by myself
'Cause I keep good company

Not this
Not a compromise
One less addiction
No more lonely frustration
Illuminate my soul
So I don't break
Not by myself
But with good company

... And There Was Much Rejoicing In The Land
Soundtrack: "Hold Fast Hope" by Thrice

I have a date. Booyah.

In other news, I still love the rain and I still love wasting time in Washington Park.

And in other other news, I was on the LRT today when it was involved in an accident. It totally fucked up my plans to go waste time in Washington Park, but I did that anyway. I hope the authorities find the asshole who decided it was a good idea to cause an accident and then drive off... what if it had been more serious and people died? Proof that the stupid people are the ones breeding. Geez.

Rock And Roll Angels...
Soundtrack: "Hard Rock Hallelujah" by Lordi

I wish I could make this kind of stuff up, but I can't. Every year Eurovision hosts the ultimate song competition, appropriately titled the Eurovision Song Contest. This year a bunch of monsters won it with their song "Hard Rock Hallelujah". Think George Romero meets Dio. It's nuts. Check out the video, it comes complete with zombie cheerleaders.

I Like Oranges... and Orange Hair
Soundtrack: "If These Scars Could Speak" by Zao

So, I'm thinking about dying my hair again. I've gone over all of the obvious choices-- black, natural red, etcetera. But after taking one of those silly little online quizes, I was informed that I should dye it orange... a possibility I had not looked at. And it totally made sense, oddly enough. I think it'd look great orange. We'll see, though.

Untitled #10
Her tears run down like morning dew
She doesn't know why
She feels alien and isolated
Because nobody has cried for her

Crimson edges like a picture frame
In this place that tastes like pills
Her bones ache from within
And still nobody cries for her

Things To Do In Denver...
Soundtrack: Live at High Wycomb 2-20-1980 by Joy Division

Here are some things I discovered yesterday:
1. Watercourse is awesome. Not particularly cheap, but awesome nonetheless. I have decided that I need to go back and try one of everything on their menu.
2. I'm actually pretty good at this Graphic Design thing.
3. The progressively drunker a crowd at a karaoke bar gets, the progressively worse the singing gets, as well as the selections. Of course, most everyone else is drunk enough to not care, but even when I've had a few drinks I find that I am an enormous music snob.
4. The airspeed velocities of unladen African and European swallows are proportional to the amount of bad movies that John Cleese has been in. Just trust me on this.

I'm really considering not getting a "real job". If I can continue to build my client base at the rate I've been going, within a year I don't think I'll have to. This client building has been going at an exponential rate, which is cool to see. Assuming that these clients will give me referrals, it will continue to build exponentially. And that's a good thing.

I've been a fan of 40's and 50's pinup art for quite some time now, and while browsing around yesterday someone brought my attention to these: George Petty's Ridgid Tools Calendars. Not quite as good as Vargas' or Elvgren's work, but still fun.

More Sweet Than Bitter?
Soundtrack: "Behind Me Lies Another Fallen Soldier" by As I Lay Dying

I've been lax with the poetry the last couple days, and I apologize for that. Here's my latest offering, it came to me tonight after watching Memoir Of A Geisha. Life, in it's most simple terms, is a series of bittersweet moments. But these moments are all that we have... and we should relish each of them.

I should probably just post the poem before I start sounding like a Japanese Anime from the 90's.

These Bitter Herbs
Will you drink this cup
It's bitterness is sweet to the taste
These moments float like petals upon water
Will you take these steps?

Once again I walk away
My bitterness is sweet on my lips
I must relax this hardened fist
Will you walk with me?

They Say It's Your Birthday, Well It's My Birthday Too, Yeah!
Soundtrack: "Meaning In Tragedy" by As I Lay Dying

Today my little brother turned 23. My dad has been in town the whole week, so he took all of us crazy housemates out to celebrate. Stefan decided he wanted some Japanese, so we all headed out to Sonoda on 16th and Market and enjoyed some sushi and other Japonese cuisine. And of course, we topped it all off with green tea ice cream. Good eats, for sure!

My day tomorrow is going to be nuts, but I'm not complaining. First off is lunch with the Jenmonster, followed up by a meeting with Tom Rockman, a good friend of mine who's a political writer. We met through Madstone Theatre where we both worked for a while, and we recently bumped into each other last semester down at the Auraria campus. It turns out that he needs some graphic design work done, so I'm excited about being able to help him out with that. After that comes the best part... I get to do some recording, which will rock as I haven't done any of that in a while. I should be done with that just in time to hit Bender's for Karaoke. Friday's looking full, too, as is Saturday, so I'm excited. Whoo hoo.

Mmm, Dirt...
Soundtrack: "We'll Sort This Out Right Now" by Stavesacre

So, I'm sitting here wondering when I'll be able to actually take a shower. Because there is a construction crew fixing our sewer line problem, but they've asked us not to use water while they are working. Which, I have to say, puts a big damper on my plans for today. Because I really take joy in the though of walking around smelling like a bum. Maybe people will think I really am a bum and give me money. That would be fun. Really, it's not that bad. Some extra deodorant and I'll be good to go, but I feel dirty. And I hate that feeling.

Tonight I'm taking part in a poetry reading that the creative writing small group at Scum of the Earth does from time to time. Should be fun, and I'll most likely read something. Tell your friends.

Lazy Monday
Soundtrack: "Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again" by Bob Dylan

I'm lobster red.

It's cause I spent a majority of my day lounging around Washington Park, talking about the good ol' days with an old school friend. It was good times. I think I might make it a new Monday tradition.


Plans are afoot, plans of which are epic in proportion. I can't say what yet but there will be more to come of this subject.

I Love Insomnia
Soundtrack: "My Song" by Jerry Cantrell

So, I recently updated Firefox, which is my browser of choice these days. And much to my chagrin, all of my bookmarks were eaten. Poof. Like all of those socks that you are never sure where they go, they just up and vamos. Anyway, I've been slowly manually rebuilding that which was my impressive bookmark folder. And I just happened to come across 0sil8, which was a really awesome that Jason Kottke used to do. Back in High School I used to be purveyor of everything cool and awesome when it came to the internet. I have to admit that I've lost my touch, although I like to think I still do pretty well even if I don't find things first.

One of Jason Kottke's finest moments was a rather risque parody of some old Palm ads back when Palm used to be called 3Com. I'll bet you losers didn't even know that. ;-) Anyway, Jason got in a lot of trouble for it and had to take it down, but not before several of his buddies took the liberty to post them on their own sites. I was rather surprised to see that at least one of them is still up after all these years. If you're at all curious and you don't mind gratuitous nudity, head on over to 0sil8 and check out "simply porn". It's hilarious. In a wierd way.

I don't even know why I still do this. One of these days my mother is going to stumble upon my attempts to be edgy and get really pissed.

Gimme Some Sugar, Baby
Soundtrack: Big Boi And Dre Present... OutKast

I would like to take this opportunity to let the whole world know that I have surpassed 7,000 songs in my iTunes library. 7,077 items, to be exact. Not all of it is music, there are a few podcasts in there and some assorted music videos, but I'd say that at least 95% of it is comprised of actual digital music. Which means it would take me almost three weeks to listen to everything I have if I started right now.

Thank you, the applause isn't necessary. Really.

Full House, Baby...
Soundtrack: "You Made It Look So Easy" by Stavesacre

Oh boy, let me tell you how fun it is to babysit a room full of drunk poker players.

It's about as fun as sticking your tongue into an electrical socket.

Seriously. You should try it. Honestly, though, other than some drunken tempers, our inaugural poker night went pretty well. Rich took the pot tonight, it was down to him and Justin and he finally forced the J-man to go all-in in the last game. Other highlights included my brother going all in on the first bet of the first hand. He lost it all, of course.

Next week we're going to make sure that there are some predetermined rules laid down as far as how the tournament goes. Hopefully it'll prevent the drama that was seen tonight.

No poem because I have had no time to think straight since about noon yesterday. Don't worry, though, I'll live. Instead, please enjoy a nice little song I've been working on. It's not done yet, it still needs another verse and possibly a bridge or something, but it's a start.

Rio de las Animas Perdidas
This bitter temperature chills my bones tonight
But I just can't seem to find the will to fight.
I don't want to lose hope
And I don't want to lose face
This bitter temperature
This feeble race

There's a longing in my heart
For the deep, refreshing river
I seek the road of light and
Those who walk upon it

My heart is on my sleeve
But you won't find it
I race against dead souls
And I can't fight it
This river's deep and black
It feels like midnight
I yearn for peace and release

Nothin' Like The Smell Of Fresh Sewage In The Morning!
Soundtrack: "Kids With Guns" by Gorillaz

Let me say for the record that if I never have to deal with plumbing ever again, it won't be soon enough. We've been having some plumbing problems here at the ol' casa, and today the plumbers came out to have a look-see and try to fix it.

It turns out that our first problem was that the grease trap was all screwed up. I live in one of those marvelous older houses that have ancient and quirky plumbing, which is always fun. Not only that, but the sewer line out to the main line in the alley is all shot to hell, and that's going to cost our landlord $5,000 to fix. It wasn't really what he wanted to hear on a Friday.

But we got it all fixed up, so all is right with the world, at least for a little while. I'm hosting a BBQ tonight, should be loads of fun. I'm still running around like a crazy man, but less so than earlier today.

Today's poem is about my mother. I thought it was fitting, seeing as how Mother's Day is on Sunday.

Sunshine
You know me better than I know myself
The letters come from far off
But not so far away
There's much more to them than the paper and the ink
Warmth that spreads like the morning light

The postcard came
It's like clockwork now
It's only been a week
Since the last one arrived.

I Know Ninjitsu
"Kill My Darling" by Stavesacre

Today's post is all about... Ninjas.

Yes, those shifty, shrewd, slick and slippery denizens of the shadows who bring quick and unmerciful death to those who would stand against them.

Despite what you may think, Ninjas are alive and well. I myself am trained in the Ninja arts. And I would warn all you who would try to oppose me... don't mess with the Toph! I could kill you in one move if I wanted. Just 'cause I'm a nice guy doesn't mean I'm not deadly. Muah ha ha.

Nyquil and Quaaludes
It’s five minutes past four in the morning
I can’t seem to sleep
So I’ll take some Ny-Quil and some Quaaludes
And in the morning we’ll kill Nanny

White shirt
Khaki slacks
What’s worse?
Life or death?

That girl over there is pretty cute
She’s snorting cocaine
From a diamond-studded pocket mirror
I think I’ll have her tonight

White Shirt
Khaki slacks
Be careful
Watch your back

This party could be better
This party should be better
This party could be killer
This party is all filler

What Is Love, Anyway?
Soundtrack: "A Mind With Two Faces" by The Hurt Process

National Geographic did this cool little article on love. It seems that from the standpoint of brain chemistry, love is akin to mental illness. How fitting. Does that mean whenever I really like a girl I'm mentally ill? And how is that different from the norm?!

I didn't write a poem today, so I'll post one that's a few weeks old.

Untitled #1
My heart is on my sleeve
But my fist is in the air
I stomp around like Godzilla's little brother
While Godzilla stomps around in my mind
These brick and glass fortresses
Enclose me bu don't enclose my dreams
It's cold like a dead body tonight

Song Of Songs
Soundtrack: "Rose Of Sharyn" by Killswitch Engage

Inspired by the Song of Solomon

The Door
Those eyes are blue doors
Reaching deep into your blossoming soul
I'd like to walk through them
And get lost in their misty orchards

My red, red rose
I have not met thine eyes

I light a candle
It illuminates an enigmatic form
This milk and honey
This serpentine incense fills the room

This red, red rose
This verdant sweet grapevine
This much I know
My soul is yours and yours is mine

The door leads through
To the gardens
The path leads through
To my chamber
The door leads through
To the vineyard
My cup runneth over
My lips taste honey

Beloved, so I call you

An American View
"Fallen" by Haste The Day

While you agree with it's use or not, free speech is intrinsic to our way of life as Americans. This guy has an interesting way of showing it.

Tonight, I Just Want To Express Myself Through The Art Of Dance
Soundtrack: "Left Hand Suzuki Method" by Gorillaz

First off, your poem for today is entitled "D-Line".

Darth Vader is sitting behind me
Introspectively hissing about lost love
While the world moves around us

The rain streaks the panes of glass
And the train clamors on down the line
Taking it's collection of lost souls to their destination

Cacophony ensues as the cocoa princesses
Talk over each other in accelerant voices
That reflect the sultry attitude of our fair city

I am in an odd position right now. I don't even know how to describe it in a way that is eloquent, much less understandable. So I won't bother. But I am pretty confused about what to do in this situation, and I think some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not good at finding the obvious in situations, and I'm not good at extorting abstract thoughts from my brain in a logical and simple language. But, thankfully, I don't think I'm screwed. Far from it. Just stuck in the mud... time to get out and push.

Sometimes you just wanna dance. That's how I feel right now.

"Those Motha F*ckers Done Sold Us Out, Like Judas Did To Jesus"
Soundtrack: "F*ck The MPAA" by Futuristic Sex Robotz

I think you all know that I am pretty vocal about censorship and copy protection. I like to think I was one of the first people to raise the alarm when it came to Sony Music's copy protection software debacle, and I've always thought that RIAA is a brood of vipers. Anyway, I'm subscribed to a pretty cool podcast called Seattle And Beyond that is all about great independent bands in the Pacific Northwest, and last week they featured a hilarious group called the Futuristic Sex Robotz, who claim to be the first gangsta nerd Rap group (although I think MC Chris was actually the first gansta nerd rapper). They have a fun little song called "F*ck The MPAA" that is all about how evil RIAA and the MPAA are. You can download their entire album on their website, obviously it's riddle with all sorts of fun curse words so if that kind of thing offends you, you might want to just skip it. They also have a song about Snakes On A Plane. It's the coolest, especially since it has a dope Jennifer Connelly reference.

Rock And Roll Dreams
Soundtrack: "Lost Days" by Stavesacre

Flashing lights dazzle
Rock and Roll dreams all night long
Your band really sucks

Today was the label showcase show, and it went decently, despite some technical difficulties. The amp I was using was a Marshall DSL half stack (aka "Super Duper Rock And Roll Amp""), but I don't think it liked me because it totally freaked out on me and went from Super Duper Rock And Roll to Super Duper Suck. It's OK, though, because we still rocked. And we got plenty of good feedback from the label A&R reps who were present, which was nice. I'm pretty stoked to play some more shows, but we still have a lot of work to do. Now if we can only find a bassist who won't flake out on us. Grr.

Downer
Soundtrack: "Bayonetwork: Vultures In Vivid Color" by Norma Jean

While I'm at it, let's do another one, shall we?

Tight grip around my neck so I can't breathe
And I get no thanks
I'm on a slow train to Downer Street
This blood on my hands is mine

Down down down
Let's see how low we can go
Seeing eye fireflies
Dance on by
Wish I could fly
Away

This paranoia's a favorite pastime of mine
But I take a chance
Turning a card just so I can cut a deal
I see my soul on fire

This street is dirty
But it's home
My greatest solace
Is that I'm not alone
I walk a cold path
But I know
My heart soars higher
The further down I go

New Year's Eve
Soundtrack: "Drive" by Funeral For A Friend

This is an older poem, so it technically doesn't fit into the "write a poem every day" thing, but I found it while looking through my notebook and it made me smile. Enjoy.

Coffee and muffin in hand
I stand
In the cool night air
Waiting
Where everyone sees me but nobody notices me
Except the bus driver because it's his job

Pen and paper in hand
I write
As I sit
And sip
And I think about Saturday's party
Oh, what a party.

But his isn't a poem about girls or my social life

No, this is dedicated to the hour and a half it takes me to get home from work
Wishing the whole time
That I had wheels

Boredom Is A Crime
Soundtrack: "Jane Doe" by Converge

I decided earlier today (technically it was yesterday) that I would write a poem every day this summer. Here's the first one.

The clutter
Suffocates
Although much like
A natural environment
But lives are
Built and thrive
Jane Doe stole my heart
And I want it back

I didn't promise they'd be good. Please come back and read them, though. I'm going to do my best at writing some good stuff, and that's half the battle right there.

It's A Step...
Soundtrack: "Reign (False Prophet Mix)" by UNKLE

The government of Sudan signed a historic peace accord with the largest of the rebel groups in the Darfur area.

This is such good news I almost cried. Yeah, I know, I'm a big softy.

Spring Cleaning
Soundtrack: "Black Cloud" by Converge, "Beat Box" by Matisyahu

Hope
I am looking for a change
Turn this pathetic life around
I am striving for the best
But I am falling like the rest

Hope seems so far away
Hope seems so far behind
Off in the distance
I only wish to fly

It’s so cold in here
So I run to the heat
I embrace the change
And these wings lift me high

I used to hate the rain
Turn it around again
Dance in the downpour
Loving and drinking

The love

I used to be complacent
Now I’ve turned it around
Dancing in the Love
Dancing in the Hope

The love


Today is the first day I am free from what is known as Spring Semester 2006. It was the most hardcore and tough 15 weeks of my life, and I loved it. I don't even know if I passed all of my classes, that's how difficult the semester was. But I would not trade it for anything. My personal growth through this time has been amazing. I've also met some amazing people who are really shaping my life right now.

The thing I'm most excited about right now is how far my design abilities have come. I did a professional-level album cover design in a week... how amazingly cool is that?! It leaves me excited and pumped. For the last month I have been swearing up and down that as soon as the semester is over I'm taking off this summer and being free. But as soon as I arrived at Leela to celebrate the end of the semester, I immediately began to miss it.

So I will be back, Community College of Denver Graphic Design program. I will have a much smaller workload, sure. Two classes, just enough that I can get financial aid to pay for everything, but I will be back.

I want to talk a little bit about the poem/song I posted just now. "Hope" was written about 5 years ago, but the wonderful thing about that song is that it is still relevant today. Although I don't think of my life as pathetic at this point, I do feel an urge to make my life better. But not through my own volition or will, but through spiritual strengthening. There's only so much we can do as human beings. We are limited by our own inadequacies and mistakes and failures. Trading all of that in and trusting your life to a God that you aren't even positive exists is a huge step. It's a hard step. But I don't regret doing it. It's been humbling and empowering at the same time, and I love it.

I have high hopes for this summer. I'm going to work on some of my bad habits (such as cursing like a sailor), try to get a job that I won't want to quit in two weeks, and just enjoy life. As Mark Renton says in "Trainspotting", "I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die."

Good Lord Help Us All
Soundtrack: "Ravage Ritual" by Zao

What words can I use to describe the past 36 hours? I don't think they exist in the human language. I seriously don't think they exist in any language. Yep, it's been that crazy.

First off, I've been to Pint's Pub every night this week (well, except Sunday). Not bad if I do say so myself. And Monday night at Genesis was the most sexually confused night I've ever seen. I would try to attempt to describe it, but it's a little bit beyond fathomable. Tuesday was pretty crazy, too. We had a critique in my Typography and Layout class and it went very well. My teacher was very much impressed by my album cover concepts and I recieved a lot of great feedback, so that's good. Spanish was bearable for once, and so was Illustrator. The conversation at Pints was, well, interesting.

After a round of Toph slamming, the conversation drifted to relationships, and it all went downhill from there. We eventually ended up in a pretty wild theological romp through Salvation, Grace, and Faith. Good stuff. Kyle was totally blown away by the concept of Salvation through Grace, which was fun. After that there was a heated conversation about anger and whether it can be constructive in any way. The Saint doesn't think so, but I do. So there, you cheeky monkey. It was pretty hardcore tonight, I wanna do it again sometime. Especially since I made some pretty startling realizations about a situation that I don't think you all know about. Or at least most of you. It was mostly along the lines of "gee, self, you sure are trying really hard to justify and explain you-know-what away... I wonder why..." There will be more on this, rest assured.

Tomorrow night, or rather tonight, is Boysetsfire. It's going to rock.

To My Future (And As Of Yet Undetermined) Wife...
Soundtrack: "Teardrop" by Massive Attack

A haiku.

Love Letter
I don't ask that you
Understand me, I only
Ask that you Love me.

You Do Not Obey!
Soundtrack: "Jamais Vu" by Dredg

So, let's talk about religion. Specifically, how a religion based on love can be turned into hate.

I can't wrap my head around it.

It's unfathomable to me.

But it happens. Look at Muslim extremists, abortion bombers, and this lady. What makes people hate? I've thought about it, and I just don't know how it happens. I mean, sure, it's easy to make a psychological approach to it and whatnot, but in the end, there's something else that is present, a darkness that I can't define or even try to understand.

Maybe it starts small. Maybe these people were good people at one time. To make an obvious pop culture reference, perhaps they were in a situation not much unlike Anakin Skywalker. They were placed in a situation where they felt like they would do anything to prevent something they felt was bad from happening.

Or maybe it's a learned behavior... their parents taught them that such and such person is evil and must be hated. For the Muslim extremist, this seems like the most plausible explanation. But when it comes to someone who grows up in the United States, the great melting pot of the globe, I can't fathom how differences can separate. Why hate? Why hate when it only makes you a miserable person? Just love, people. Love one another, and you'll change lives. It works. Loving people is the only way to get anywhere good in life. Too bad people don't understand that.